I did not sleep well last night
Shared with some of my children.
Several thought it was odd
that their mother who has been
very independent her whole life
would let a tree that fell close to
the house upset her.
There have been many issues in
her lifetime that would have
justified sleepless nights
but not this tree...
Maybe it was not just the tree,
guess it was just having no one
here to help with some of events
to have it cleaned up.
Has not been for many years
so why now?
Why - Do Not Know Why
in the past this probably would
not have phased me
Might be I am older now or
maybe because of surgery
a short time ago or maybe because
I just went off a low dose of prednesone
for my severe inflammation problem.
I really do not know why.
I do know that it seemed I wanted
a hug, for someone to be concerned
over me.
Strange for this one to have felt
such a deep need for this.'
But guess what
a neighbor with a beautiful soul
stopped in a minute ago.
Her father years ago use to help
me with my lawnmower and her
young son's use to help me with
yard chores many years ago.
She told me if I needed anything to
please call her
and when she left
she hugged me.
Then dear "Sky" who comments
on most I write - called early this
morning. I was in the yard with
wood cleanup man and land line
was in my pocket.
She said "this is Sky, are you alright"
Her call was a blessing even though
I could only say a few words because
of someone being here.
Emotions are strange
Needs and deeds put to rest
can surface in our mind
when least expected.
This incidence proved to me
that I have not grown as far
as I thought I had....
13 comments:
Wish I were there to hug you. You are such an inspiration to so many of us. I think our fears and problems can be exaggerated at night....especially when you live alone.
I found a quote that I find interesting...by M. Scott Peck....It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”
We are just into a new year and soon the weather will change and you will be out looking for that wild flower or checking your vegetables. This has just happened...it's fresh in your mind. In a few days things will look so much better for you.
I hope you have a good night...
Balisha
I thought of you last night when we were watching some of the storm coverage, hoping you were fine and not too scared. I remember the Atlanta days, how often during tornado season I gathered the pups and headed to the bathroom, the only room in the house with no windows. A few nights we slept in that room, miserably uncomfortable but less worried about potential glass and debris flying around us should a tornado find us. Probably a false sense of security given the damage we saw this morning on TV - entire houses demolished and airplanes in a one GA city turned upside down. In the PNW we face earthquakes and tsunamis. All of the natural convulsions and whirling of earth, sea, and air leave tragic destruction in their wake. I am so happy you and Callie are safe. It was good to hear your voice this morning. :)
Your honesty humbles me. The phone call from Sky inspires me. A few years ago I was caught driving in a terrible Northwest Blizzard. It took me six hours to move my car five miles. I kept myself sane by assuring myself that I could do this.. and that God knew where I was. When finally I got home I realized that my total vulnerability in this world is stunning. I realized that I was terrified and that all the public bravado in the world couldn't change those real feelings. Oh for an angel like Sky to ring the pocketed phone and remind you of your connection on this earth. We are never really alone. Thank you so much for sharing.
I did think of you and others in my blogworld that were in that area. It was frightening. We are so helpless in something so violent. All of the reasons you gave for this uneasy feeling are just as likely to be the cause as just being human is the cause. When you have only yourself to worry about I think we become more introspective. I watched the storms closely because they can sometimes come our way and like you, I am alone these days. But we were safe.
It is scary, and sad, when a tree falls. I wish I lived closer. It is not the least bit odd or strange to have felt the way you did.
Balisha, Sky, Tabor, LR and Nan,
thank you for your kind words.
A good nights sleep and I am fine.
I now wonder should I write on the spur of the moment?
But I think "yes" as this is when we write from the heart...
I am filled with terror when the storms come--no place to go for safety. I also get scared in the middle of the night--we seem so alone more so at night--every fear seems magnified. Yes--it could be because we are older. I have been alone before and don't remember being scared--of course, I was only 50 then--still young and capable. The tree did fall. You didn't hear it. God must have nudged it away from doing any harm to anything.
Judy, I am not afraid. Could not live the lifestyle I have chosen if I had this problem. Been alone too long and vowed not to show this spirit to my children.
Just uncomfortable with storms.
Sometimes miss a special comfort that is not available at this time of life.
Everything is the way it is suppose to be. My children and grandchildren all involved and busy with their lives.
Now mama and grandma continues on with her lifestyle as time goes by.
Sending hugs and love, too!
Elsa Louise, I have missed you.
Returning to you - your sentiment to me. Hope all is well.
Email when you time.
(((Hug))) that is me hugging you...
I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. I sometimes feel the same way you do, and yet I was a single mom, worked with critically ill newborns, and never thought a thing of it... I think "some days I have to put on my big girl panties" as my friends call it! Being a grown up reminds me of the stages of grief....some days are good and some days we are back to day one! What I mean is that some days we are full of fears of being alone, and some days we love it! Try to remember the days we love it, if you can.....I am only a phone call away!
Beverly
thank you
never heard the expression
"big girl panties" :)
Love you....
I think, after spending so many years serving our families, we do long for a hug; we deserve it too!
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