From Me

A quick post
trying to relearn computer with brain fog.

A long way to go
and to think the healthy one  suddenly developed a heart emergency
and almost wish they had let me be,
Told that if it was my time I would have not survived the surgery,

So home now 4 days, precious home and I will do all I can do to heal and gain 10 lbs lost.

Special son arriving in a few weeks.

Very emotional
happy one moment
and the next weeping

You are all dear to me, and we have never met.
Thank you for your prayers

Flowers on header
arrived from my son.

Plus visits from many and 4 Valentine boxes of candy.

Now
a new life begins Now

a transition for the busy one

and I will
I will and have to accept.

Update On My Mom

A spring picture from one of my mom's beautiful gardens.

Hello everyone! This is Ernestine's youngest, daughter, Jamie. I wanted to update you and let you know she is OK, however she has been through quite a frightening ordeal and is at a rehabilitation center in Nashville close to my sister and I.

She did have oral surgery on the 18th. She was not feeling well at all that weekend and a neighbor checked on her very early in the morning that Sunday the 20th. A nurse also checked in on her that morning. My sister went up that Sunday afternoon and my mother's heart rate was alarmingly low and her blood pressure was dangerously high.

I'm sure she will fill you all in on everything but she ended up having pacemaker surgery here in Nashville. She's in rehab now and it is getting stronger every day although I know she is very ready to get back home. She has a follow up appointment with her surgeon this Wednesday.

I know she is starting to feel better because she has asked me to please update her blog!

Thank you so much for your friendship to her. She enjoys checking in with everyone so much and sharing her photography. Many thanks again!

Jamie

Today

I came across this image and little girl you are missed the world full,

Not looking forward to tomorrow

schedule

my special driver and I will head for the big city of Nashville,

my Jamie will meet us at the oral surgeon,

3 back upper teeth to come out

seems since Schgogrens entered the picture 10 years ago and Shingles last year there is a problem

with my teeth.   Before 70 teeth were beautiful,

So onward I go and nothing else to be done,

I have done something I refused to do, increased pain medication from lowest dose1/2 pill to 1 pill

does help a little

This one never took medication besides vitamins, thought people who did were weak

so see how stupid I was.

So I an sharing my absurd thoughts,

Hoping all goes well as this frail body is weary of all that is going on.

Knees are worse after the shots of Hydraulic Acid, painful and will accept that our bodies

were not meant to last forever.

Last week because of pain level and anxiety went to my doctor which Hospice approved and they wanted me to go to ER   I refused, knowing they would keep me.

Thankful my doctor did bloodwork and EGG, seems I am probably fine and just have a difficult

time excepting all of this.

The busy one just has difficulty sitting still, next checking will be eyes, oh my love of reading

been on hold with Shingles affecting them,  Probably stronger glasses will remedy.

I will bounce back, just stubborn of doing what needs to be done.

Dislike sharing all of this, forgive me but many writing "where are you"

You are all special and dear

know this and will let you know the results.

Today

When they first arrive at the market, I want one.   Hyacinth, your aroma is wonderful;

A dish filled with memories

Key from a wonderful old home purchased in the past.
Heart Chakras
A few hearts from my collection
My mother's thimble
Chinese stamp of my name - a special gift to me from one now deceased
A reminder to Breathe
A shell I found at the bottom of a pool in Jamaica
A piece of petrified wood

Morning

Shadows on the wall always appear this time of year, I find them interesting
and picture not hanging crooked, must be the way I am holding the camera.

This image from my bedroom.  Was not as clear as I wanted.  Maybe I need a new camera
or something I am not using correctly.  Sun is shining, will be almost 60 degrees and a beautiful
day beginning.

I even began my simple exercise practice :)

A good day
is wished to everyone.

Too Kind

My last post, your word are all too kind and to think one is from Scotland.
You make me smile and for a few minutes and the pain disappears.

So will share what I vow not to share.

Pain worse with the third and last shot 8 days ago/.  If I call the doctor and share they will want me to return for another way and at the moment thinking nothing more for my poor legs.  Nurse on her weekly visit
has no suggestion except I am not taking enough pain medication. Tried her way for one day and no
way will I do this, told 1/2  pill that I take when I feel as though I will destruct not enough and now 106 lbs cannot tolerate a whole one and will
not share what it is.   Stubborn one would rather have pain and a mind then no pain and no mind.

My mind keeps reminding me of the healthy lifestyle in my past.   But my son, the encouraging
smart one tells me you cannot stop aging we were not meant to live forever and I smile that he always adds "just breathe." daughters comment "I am so sorry and another just can't bear what I share,
another so busy working on her own, just time there for her and two children
involved in so much,  all of my children and grandchildren super smart and not just because I am their mother and grandmother:)   So proud of them and I am becoming a burden.

Strange I always feel pretty good when I am sitting at the computer and when my several hours
young helper arrives (she just walked in the door :)

The Shingles from tooth extraction has caused nerve damage,
so much I do not share in detail, like Vascular surgeon visit on Tuesday.  Some light brown on lower
legs and a little swollen,  Told nothing serious, just another aging factor as circulation slows.

The healthy one, wine in the past occasionally, walking miles, always working in her garden, eating correctly, never over 115 lbs
except when pregnant 4 times, so no lung, heart or mind problem but little by little nothing is the
same.

My battle at this time as 80 rolls onward is accepting, stop talking about it and it is very difficult
for this one.

Hate a cane and the walker I use, but it keeps me mobile and when daily someone will comment
you are doing so good, you look good
I would like to say horrible words.

What a horrible post
should delete it,,,,,,

So just want to stay independent, not afraid of death, just the process of little by little with the body.

Ending this
not an uplifting post
just life as it is.

Just lashing out verbally my thoughts

forgive me,...

2019

2018
Was not the best of the years in my life
I continued to share a lot and maybe some I should not have
seems computer and writing is a habit.

Tonight I turn the computer on
and thankful for so many that send words of encouragement.

Year ended with the last shot in my knee, the most painful one and fluid just returns, guess that is what it does.   Might not seek this route again.

This one will continue doing all she can to help the issues arising  until I grow weary of doing so
but vow not to leave my much-loved cottage.

Will post less, unless I see something with the camera I cannot resist.

Weary of sharing aging issues
all apart of life continuing when you are ancient.
Very fortunate that most did not surface until in my 70,s

My family will be pleased to hear this
but when they are my age, some of my words will surface

Thank you again
all who warm me with their words.

Wish I could hug you.

At the moment
I want a clear and quiet mind and an open heart.
Sounds easier than done.

No downscaling so much has been done for several years.   I what is left and the memories that arise.

SO HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EACH OF YOU
FOLLOW YOUR HEART IN ALL MATTERS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP
MANY OF YOU HAVE BROUGHT
AND NEW ONES SEEM TO CONTINUE TO  FIND ME.