Wonderful Sunday and Grandma Forgot....

The weather was beautiful
my youngest daughter and 2 youngest grandchildren made a visit.
They always lift my spirit.

My youngest
Amelia
is musically talented
and her new choice of instrument
is the Bassoon

Not familar with this instrument
and I like hearing her play the guitar and piano
but she is excelling with this in the school band....

Also
so sorry
that grandma has been so out of it
and nothing normal for months
she realized
that her new year calendar
has not been updated
and this one
forgot her oldest granddaughter's birthday
which was yesterday

So
Jessica
forgive me

More Cold Weather

The temperature is rapidly dropping
cold, windy and raining
suppose to turn to snow
and hopefully this is the end of cold weather.

What I have been taking for pain
seems to have lost its power
maybe the weather.

Special girl
2 hours this morning
and at lunchtime called
going to fish place
with husband for lunch
and offered to bring me something.
Shrimp and fish tasted so good
with rice and cold slaw.

I looked out the window
and this was sitting on the deck rail
and I thought
"mama is that you
making a visit ?)
I hope so/
I read years ago
that a cardinal near your home
is a deceased loved one
making a visit....

The Encourager

Arthur the young therapist
came this morning
his last visit.

He has constantly encouraged me onward,
listened to me talk continually
about my children and grandchildren and
the ultra sound machine was amazing

Before he left
he said "lets go to the garage
and I want to see you get in your car
and out
see how you do"

I had not driven my car this month
and only twice last month
No problem getting in and out.

Then he had me walk around outside
to see how I did
sun was shining
felt so good.

I had shared that I always loved to cook and bake
but not recently
and struggle with appetite
but yesterday when Lisa drove me to the dentist
she stopped at Cracker Barrel
and I went inside
and ordered a dinner of trout with some vegetables
and a piece of apple pie
for take out.
It was so good
ate half at lunch
and finished last night.

As Arthur and I started back inside
he made the remark
of how beautiful it was outside
and said  " I think you need to drive to the Cracker Barrel for your lunch"
Well I did
after he left
felt so good to be out, but was a little nervous driving
and I went slow
on the country roads.

I cried when he pulled out of the drive
and have his number if I have any problem or questions.
He  is working with my doctor for me to go to out patient
physical therapy

This young man is about the age of my youngest daughter
and has two little girls about a year younger then my two youngest grandchildren.


I will never forget him and his help
over the last month for healing
I want so to do something for him
but do not know what
did give him some products my friend makes,
soap and body butter for his wife
I had nothing masculine in this home for a gift.

So a good day
but some sadness....

Morning

Some stretches twice daily
next to mat
in chair the phone in case of emergency
this helps pain, difficult for me but continue with it..

My orchids are
beautiful
over 20 blooms

healing incense is burning this early morning..

Cold, rainy weather continues...

Thought arises
I was born in Tennessee
but grew up in Michigan.

So cold and at one time I skied
and walked to the bus stop to work
at corporate office of Ford Motor Company
snow drifts 3 and 4 feet on either side of road.

At this time could not stand this weather
and to think
my oldest daughter and husband who live in Florida
are headed to Colorado to ski.

Good luck to them
I sure would not like that weather :)

JUST RECEIVED A CALL FROM ARTHUR THE THERAPIST
WHO BRINGS AN ULTRA SOUND MACHINE

WAS SAD AS INSURANCE HAD STOPPED

ARTHUR JUST CALLED AND 2 MORE VISITS HAVE BEEN APPROVED

SO HAPPY
AND WHO KNOWS
MAYBE THEY WILL APPROVE MORE......

Determination

A painful night
calling doctor
there must be something more
that this one can do
without drugs
which I refuse.

The thoughts continually arise
that I am doing all I can do
diet, exercise, rest, a little medical help,
thinking as positive as I can
and I just need to accept and not fight
what is going on in this now
ancient body.
Funny, I never felt ancient in my mind
and still do not
but the body is saying something different
and I do not like it....

Most aging may not feel like I do
and I may be different
but all my life I have been determined
in what I set out to do.


Just read this on Daily Dharma
that is delivered daily
online.

"When the great root of faith
and the great ball of faith
are present
great determination will arise

Great determination is a strong resolve
that wells up from the
bottom of our gut
and spurs us on"

Koun Yamada

So this one
continues on with determination
and I may win for a while
and may not.

Be so happy when Spring arrives
and I can feel
the warm sun on this body...

Remember Socrates and Hopefully Mice are gone soon....

Just read these words
and have to share

Socrates said

"The secret if change
is to focus all of your energy
not on fighting the old

BUT ON BUILDING
THE NEW"

Image received of my oldest granddaughter in New York,
visiting her in laws and outside with their dog Violet.

Love that name :)

Mice in house
not mouse
so I am emptying stove drawer
all pans
sitting on counter
emptying cutlery drawer
washing all drawers with Lysol

Do not like this
pain continues
but I will not have a dirty house
yes, some help
but not as thorough as this one

So
one drawer at a time in kitchen and my bedroom
also
all furniture needs to be washed with Murphy's Oil Soap
will take me weeks to accomplish what I want to do.

But when my son arrives
all will be sparkling....

Sunday Evening - Moving Forward

Just ordered
"The Endless Practice of Becoming Who You Were Born To Become"
by Mark Nepo.

Vowed to buy no more books
but read about this early morning and want it...

Bitter cold day
Jamie suppose to arrive and take me to grocery
but snow falling and she does not need to be on the road
so I called my special helper
who arrived at 8:10 and took me to market.
So much needed was purchased, driving home with snow falling,
she brought everything in for me
and put some in freezer and I handled the rest.

What would I do without Lisa :)
I will need her
once a week or more
from now on as this journey continues

1:30 meal of salmon, fresh asparagus and baked potato
and will add left overs of salmon the asparagus to scrambled egg in the morning.

Warming trend arriving
and looking forward to soon sitting on deck in the sunshine.

A little better each day and will be so happy when I am confident enough
to begin driving, maybe next week :)

Pain, guess I am just making friends with it
and talk to it
as it is here to stay.

Thread and needles in storage room and want to see if I can relearn how to crochet as
many years ago made many afghans.

Memories of a cold February morning when my mother, 16 years ago was put into
the cold ground....I had given her a small plaque that had a little woman on her knees
with the caption "It's me again Lord."   She requested that I put this in her casket
before it was closed (she requested a closed casket.)
She loved this little plaque and said it was her as she was always on her knees praying.
A lot for this one when she went through a divorce.   I miss her so much and know
that no love is like a mother's love....

Wish my appetite would return, breakfast is the only meal that I welcome.

Busy Morning

AT 6;00 AM - chopping celery, onions, carrots to go in crock pot.
My Beth's recipe along with organic chicken broth and 3 chicken thighs
and she shared her butcher said with the bone in is the healthiest.
So crock pot is simmering

 and I am trying to eat some oats with chopped apple and yogurt with banana
 as I wait for Lisa
to take me for 8:00 doctor appointment.

Surprise, her husband is driving as some roads still not too good.
She shares he does not mind and what a good husband he is.   I tell her
remember after doctor apps wanted to go to Cindy my hair girl as it has
been many weeks and I have chopped off a cup full of hair trying to still look
presentable :)    She replies that is fine as we will drop you off (or rather she helps me into
shop)  and have errands
in town.

She helps me in their big vehicle and onward we go to the doctor, Talked for 30
minutes and then blood work.    Found out nothing new, hopefully blood work results
return normal and I am to continue all I am doing -
try to eat more, keep moving, rest, do not fall and please take something for night time pain.

They ask about my children, I have described them well and their lifestyles.  Share
did see Beth last Sunday and week before Jamie and Beth came for weekend
and to take me to grocery and my son will be arriving in now weeks to be with me for
a while :)  Continual calls and emails from my special children and grandchildren - do not like that I have seemed to become needy
as this time and always so independent - bit ,miss them and guess that is normal.
Guess this is what a health issue does to you..

Helped to car, oh I hate this, comfortable in my surroundings, but not so comfortable
in other surrounding and balance is horrible./   So on to hair place and now look more like myself,what
ever that is - as it seems this one struggling with pain, balance, eating and low energy is not me.
 Hugs
everywhere I go and I need them :)

Home, add cooked egg noodles to soup and eat 2 small bowls.   Lay down on sofa and fall
asleep for almost 2 hours (this is unusual) but weary and a tiring morning.
It is bitter cold outside and more snow predicted.

I do not like this, open bottom drawer of stove and I have a mouse.
Has been several years since once visited this cottage, I know what to do
but hate taking everything out, washing them and hopefully I can solve all of this.

More soup, cheese and crackers,  Ensure later tonight and hopefully I fall asleep and
will take something tonight to help me...

I have constant thoughts of not writing anymore
but love to write and does not matter if anyone reads my sharing
and then it may help someone.

Ever thankful
that it took almost 80 years for all of this to surface.

Guess I thought this would miss me...

Just Ordered

My hot water bottle filled with hot water is put at the end of my bed nightly
So comforting and stays warm all night.
Just ordered another one and will put at my back.
So much better then heating pads that I know many use,
they are drying to the skin and use electricity.

I wear flannel pj bottoms and like the ones with pockets
and just ordered some from Amazon, 100 % cotton
and so reasonably priced - like $8
I wear a long sleeve cotton top in larger size;

No longer the beautiful gowns or pj sets as in the past seem small size  pj bottom fits
but top way too small.

Last night they said a dusting
and this is what arrived
schools closed in this rural area.

About 2 inches of snow and ice.

The twice a week therapist who arrives weekly with an ultrasound machine
that is so helpful for pain for about 2 hours.

He told me that I will have to figure out a way to deal with all the pain which is so severe
at night.    Seems daytime bad, but I tolerate with distractions.   This one does not want to be drugged.

Young woman who helps 2 hours twice a week is taking me to doctor in the morning
and will be glad when I feel comfortable driving again - probably about 3 weeks.

Hopefully sodium level is normal as I have been taking sodium pills twice a day
Never thought of this happening and they still have no answer for me :)
Also a mouth rinse for the painful mouth from massive doses of antibiotics
was delivered last night in snowfall from my kind pharmacist..
In the past yogurt helped but not this time..

So this one continues onward....

Remembering - Seems Like Yesterday

Slow Healing

Shadows in the cottage
have once again arrived.

This one
on her healing journey
has returned
to what was successful
40 years ago
after stress filled marriage
and a divorce.

Could not have made it without
God's word....

Also
so helpful continual notes from my son
who is far over the water.

"remember emotions and physical and mental sensations are temporary
the breath is always there - your anchor to mindfulness and serenity"

so this one is  trying to follow the breath, which is helpful with pain and thoughts
but so difficult to do - now able for about 5 minutes.....

When you have been put on massive doses of ANTIBIOTICS
and now off of them
it takes a long time for the body to return to normal.

Yes, they are helpful but do much damage
and with continual yogurt and much more
hopefully I will return to normal.

I craved a fish dinner
but not comfortable driving as of yet
and will probably be about 3 weeks.

Healing Smoothie

Yogurt
Banana
Kale
Manuka Honey
Peaches

Doing all I know to do
to get to the place
I use to be :)

Thinking
it is going to be a slow process.

So many people helping me along the way
and I am thankful
but do not like being
slower, pain and this is not me....