A trip to the big city yesterday. I did not want to go but there were some things I needed to attend to. While there I could go to the bakery and replenish the supply of my favorite bread.Since I plan on making fewer trips into town - I bought 2 loaves and will freeze most of it. I can take several slices out at a time for toast, french toast and just warmed in olive oil to go with dinner.
I did not make this trip with peace. I just did not want to leave my woods. Most of the trip - I tried to be aware of my breath, and repeated the many scriptures and positive affirmations that were memorized in another life. Finally my peace was restored. With a thankful heart these times are few and far between. When I am home I can walk and garden and I am at peace.
I will write at another time in depth of other lifetimes I have led. Viewing the small city cottage that was built 4 years ago and seeing the really big home that once held my family, the American dream of a young couple who started with nothing and attained from the worlds standard the prize. One Woman's journey has taught her much. it was a emotional time. Did not realize it would be so extreme. As I drove past the homes my mind was flooded with memories.
A difficult night and I know what to do. I will be mindful, it is part of the past. I am no longer that person. All that matters is this moment.
A wonderful rain fell part of the day. When I returned and pulled down the long gravel drive I could see such a difference in what I viewed. The leaves are turning and the colors are magnificent. The leaves on the ground even look lovely to me. No thought of raking. They will protect my new garden throughout the winter and the wind will blow most of them away.
Rain for most of today. I will welcome staying inside and going at a slower pace.
May we all be ........ peaceful, happy, content, fulfilled, and at ease.
10 comments:
This is really what a home should be - a place where there is peace, re-creation; a place to sustain us. You've described it so beautifully, Ernestine.
You have found your true self at this time in your life and that is why you treasure it so much and want to protect it. You have known other exciting and roller coaster times (as we all have) but it is nice to have this peace. Do not become a hermit...keep stretching so that you are flexible.
Dear Nan, thank you for reading and commenting on my rambling.
Dear Tabor, Thank you for your encouragement. You know me well from my writing. I think we share more deeply in writing then in person. I will keep stretching - but not as often :)
I too sometime remember the past with some regret. I only have one more day to work. I will have a much slower life and look forward to that....
I got a bagette today...and chicken and will have a glass of wine that I got for my birthday..
This is a lovely post.
At this time in my life there is something about driving down my dirt road, under the trees, and turning into my driveway with my house at the top of the hill. I simply sigh and think, I'm home.
Beverly, I will be thinking of you as you make this adjustment.
Sharon, home is wonderful !!
Such lovely photos, and always a pleasure to visit here!
Just an observation - it sounds like you are describing anxiety attacks when you leave your home and travel to the city. Do you know what it is that causes the discomfort? I didn't understand if it was the travel past the other homes where you once lived and the memories from those parts of your life that seem to invade your sense of saftey and comfort or not.
So glad you know how to comfort yourself. What a valuable resource to have these skills at your own disposal. Sounds like you are very self aware.
I believe, however, if we protect our comfort zones by ceasing to push ourselves to expand we risk becoming prisoners to our anxieties. On the other hand, I sure do understand the joy of spending time in our nests. I am the QUEEN of such activity here in western WA! ;)
Dear Sky, your comments and observations are always meaninful to me.
No anxiety attack - just had to make a stop that I was not looking forward to. But I did it and glad I did. I have spent a lot of my past doing things I really did not want to and now at this stage of life it is going to happen less and less ! Yes, viewing other parts of my past brought a flooding of memories. I am a strong woman and a fighter but also getting rather ancient. I will not just retreat to this wonderful woods and never venture out :) have to go to grocery and there will always be pleasurable things to do - but not very often.
Have a wonderful day.
I hate when the old, painful memories flood my mind--usually when I lay down and am trying to get to sleep. I just pray my way through--listening to each deep breath, until I can sleep.
Judy, I understand !!
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