Books by the old Leather Chair

  • Snow In The Summer
  • My Bible
  • The Power of Silence
  • What Comes Next and to Like It
  • Encore Provence
  • A Year in Provence

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Not Her Kind Of Day

She was outside filling the bird feeders at day break. A shrilling noise filled the air. She could see nothing and walked around to front of house. There was the police car and ambulance coming down the road in the distance. It pulled into the driveway of the home in the distance.

This home she built after leaving the old farm house. It was sold in what she thought was an unusual way. I guess for her it was unusual. The lady is a retired professor from Rhode Island.

When asked if she had family in the area - the answer was no. Then how in the world did you find this home that is located in a simple farming community and why would you want to live here.

Her answer, she found it on the Internet. Reason for this area because of low taxes. Now the tax part made sense. A story on that later when she shares the comparison between taxes in the big city and in this area.

Quickly she went in the house and made a phone call. A friend had spent the night with her neighbor and it was suspected she was having a heart attack.

Later in the morning it was determined that this attack was pneumonia. Thankful for that.

So, her morning continues and on to the car place to have the oil changed and tires rotated on her pickup.

She sit in the assigned area and very soon is very uncomfortable. She has her book to read and her energy drink and their are 4 other people staring at the television that is quite loud.

Ok, she thinks this is the time to really practice my mindfulness. She must confess that she could not do it. She could not tune out the noise. She is an absolute failure. She tries repeating "May I be Happy, Well, Safe and Peaceful - over and over. Then the Lord's Prayer over and over. Then her deep breathing, but she could not drowned out the television. She is ashamed of herself as she passes judgement on these people that are just staring at something that does not make sense. If they glanced her way they probably thought there was something wrong with her - with her eyes closed and going through my mindfulness technique.

This scenario tells her that she has grown so use to being alone and quiet - that she wonders is she normal. If she is not - she likes her life and may go to town even less often. But she does need food and her vehicle serviced!!!

She goes to the front desk and inquires if she could sit someplace else? Wonders never cease and she smiles to herself as a chair is brought and is put in front of a huge window and the sun is streaming in the window. Oh, this is wonderful - even if the view is the cemetery across the street and they are preparing a grave. The sun feels healing and she just sits with a blank mind.

She did not sleep well last night and that is unusual. Earlier in the day she glanced at the weekly neighborhood paper and once again there are names of people with familiar faces. Pretty soon there will not be many people alive that she is acquainted with. So something is disturbing her and she cannot put her finger on it. Guess it is just life in the 70's. At the moment she is trying to keep the smile on her face and remember she is promised only today.

So she is home, ate a bowl of soup and peanut butter 1/2 sandwich and 3 cookies and a glass of milk. The sun is shining and it is warmer, still cold but warmer. She goes out on the deck with a blanket and pillow and stretches out in her chair. Oh, the sun feels wonderful. Soon, Miss Callie has jumped into her lap.

So, her day continues and for some reason there is a cloud over her spirit. She is confident it will lift - in fact just with this sharing it is fading away.

Writing is wonderful therapy!!!


Tabor said...

Yes, writing is good therapy. Your neighbor's incident is what set your mind at unrest I am sure. Suddenly, the brevity of life seems too close. But we all get those days...even those who do not live alone. It is a day's passage and tomorrow will certainly be softer.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Tabor, thank you.

mermaid said...

I so agree with writing being good therapy. You honor your experience with words. How death can instill fear and show us the brevity of life. How loud noise can be unpleasant. How we can judge ourselves. How we can write and know that the cloud will lift and return again. How writing keeps us here and connected.

MsGraysea said...

I agree with the other comments on how therapeutic writing out your anxiety can be.
I also can empathize with the intolerance to noise in places such as the auto service center. It makes me so anxious and annoyed. I usually end up going outside and walking around, breathing in healing air. Those places really smell bad, too.
This too shall pass, but know you are not alone.

MsGraysea said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Mermaid, thank you. As I look back over almost 2 years of posting the many roads I have traveled - I smile. I am truly transparent. Those behind me can surely tell that this "spirit" is not dimenished in any way.
Marcia, as always, thank you.

Janice Lynne Lundy said...

So glad you zipped me a mail. And that you wrote about this. Very healing. Oh, dear hearted woman, what a day and time you had. But you know what, you still shone through. You made some great choices for yourself and you began again! That is awesome, truly.

And even though there is a sadness, acknowledge it (you did) and sit with it if you can. Allow your breath to take you into gentleness of self around this. Part of mindfulness (and meditation) is being with what IS-- even if it is uncomfortable.

You know I wouldn't be surprised if it IS about loss. It IS hard to come of an age when your friends are leaving, moving on to a new form, new life. I'd be worried about you if you DIDn'T feel all that.

So I hope that you will give yourself a big hug and know that all is well. I had a lousy meditation day before yesterday but I am definitely learning to not judge any of it. As long as I bring myself to the table again, I can feast on what crumbs are there. :-)
Believe, breathe and be well! Tomorrow is another day. We begin again...

p.s. Did you try the breathing in/breathing out meditation?
Breathing in peace, breathing out love...or some variety of that. It can help shift melancholy sometimes...

Beverly said...

I don't know when you went to have the truck serviced, but, I thought you were uneasy, only to find out about Haiti... Glad you were able to enjoy the warmth of the sun on the deck....

Cloudhands said...

How wonderful to know that writing and exploring your day and your feelings can have a healing effect. Then to know you are supported and understood by those of us checking in on you. The Journey is not about just one day but all the experiences along the way. Here's to a better tommorrow. At least it will be warmer.

Sky said...

this day sounds familiar to me in many ways. indeed, these kinds of day come to us all. i can really identify with the resistance to/displeasure with loud noise. i can't even stand to hear someone crunching loudly on food! and loud bass sounds emanating from someone else's car send me into a frenzy!

glad callie brought love to you, that sunshine warmed you, that the service staff was kind to you and provided you with alternatives. so much to be grateful for. be well and continue to take pleasure in each day - you are right, this one day which we find ourselves living is the only day we can be sure of. sending hugs across these many miles.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Jan, Beverly and Cloudhands, thank you for your welcome comments that I found this morning. All is well.
Dear Sky, thank you for your kind comments. I welcome the hug.
You have not written on your post lately. Miss it!!!

Anonymous said...

I hope your neighbor continues to be o.k.and recuperates nicely. I hate waiting on getting my oil changed. I usually go to Sears and they do the same thing to me. I am not good at waiting anyway. I do have a lot more patience than I used to. I know you are looking forward to spring as I am. It warmed up here yesterday and today. I went out and bought flower pots!!

Darlene said...

Tabor said it for me. Her thoughts were what I was thinking as I read your post. I'm glad you are in a better place today.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Judy and Darlene, thank you for checking in. Better today - now fighting congestion in chest. Oh Well!!!

kenju said...

The last time I had to sit in a waiting room with a blaring TV and several people on their cell phones, I also wanted another place to sit. All that ambient noise really bothered me.