Yes, a new bloom in the garden
and I share my words to the Universe
and pray for Acceptance for life at this time
A rainy day.
Nothing built like in the past built this home 10 years ago and somethings not like in the past, an outside door cannot open and need new doorknob, the deck has a problem and one window.
Enough of this sharing and everyone who ever helped me and I depended on has now left
the planet so I begin over trying to find new help.
Many encouraging words come my way.
I try to take them to heart and so much do not share of going forward
Day by day she is moving and trying to do all she can with what is going on with
her body and thoughts that surface. Told I am doing fine
but do not like this fine, miss what was.
She has lived a life with a passion for creating, organized, disciplined, all was done her way and now so much is seen left undone not to her satisfaction or others
with her direction performing. I try to pull some weeds holding onto the walker or a cane and not comfortable and cannot fall so I sadly just stop.
A healthy life, a good past filled with happiness, some sadness and many challenges and so fortunate that much happening with health did not happen until almost 80, so I am ashamed
of my thoughts. I never took medication, just vitamins and now heart medication and a UTI in progress, do not like antibiotics and steroids, thoughts of throwing them all away.
Much left undone or repeatedly asked of dear ones "will you help me."
Do not like this new way
and guess I am stubborn.
I understand it all
Need to accept
but extreme difficulty excepting all that has happened to my health in the last year and a half and not in
control of all like in my past lifetime
and must accept and continue on with a new way of life
and thoughts surface will it soon be over or last longer then I want it too.
My son is leaving in a few days
No words can describe the help he has been to this one.
No words to share the thankfulness for his time and kindness
and the visit of a month.
Who would ever think that on our last outing to the dentist, one small place I like to view and lunch
that he is holding my arm, carrying my purse and continually saying
"be careful." My balance usually fine at home but being in unfamiliar places and excitement of doing special things seems to unsettle me a little and 1/2 day of going seems to be all I can
physically do.
Never in years past did I think it would be him with words that speak to my heart.
Daughters special, one out of state, others working, what is happening with their mother is probably
more then they at times can handle and I understand.
I am happy, sad, thankful, ashamed, do not like much, going forward, sometimes frightened, my mind
much younger than what number of age states and think I am alone on this journey,
maybe I am different or there may be others out there like me in the past and present
So much unknown.
7 comments:
Good morning Ernestine, I am slowly watching spring unfold here in Minnesota. I love your photo of the peony. We are a month away from blooming peonies. The slow progression of spring here helps me focus on the daily minute changes and there is mindfulness and appreciation in the focus.
Your wisdom and honesty in sharing your journey are so appreciated! Your gift of sharing with your readers is truly precious.
Peace
Dear, dear Ernestine ~ in spite of how you are feeling, physically and mentally, you still find words to encourage your readers. We are all aging, one day at a time.
Love, hugs and prayers for you ~ FlowerLady
In many ways I understand what you say. I've never been really sick, take no medications, and still work every day, but I can't help wondering, when will my time come to be feeble and unable to take care of myself. I don't want to burden my girls and I'm not sure the farmer could even keep me fed. :) xoxo
Oh, my, you are not alone. This morning at the weekly meeting for grandparents raising (or helping to raise) grandchildren, I spoke of how vulnerable I feel. I think like someone 50, yet, I am now unable to do the things I once did with such gusto, and the multi-tasking, while balancing, what seemed like the world. Having to work on acceptance, and brace myself each day to lower my expectations (and those of others, too), is draining me of all energy. My goal is to be able to live each day to the best it can be, without fretting, about what I once was, and trying to make it happen again. I cannot be that other person. So acceptance to me, is acknowledging y vulnerability, while just doing what I can each day, and fitting in as much beauty and kindness to myself and others.
Your beautiful peony brings me such hope, as we, endure our eternal winter-like Spring. The brave peonies taken from the gardens of my grandmother and other, are now emerging and welcoming the cold rain.
I will hold you in my thoughts and meditations as we both work on acceptance.
I read your words with a combination of sadness, acknowledgement, a sigh, a tear or two. No platitudes; no advice. I care. I pray. I applaud your determination. ♥️
Rebecca, thank you,
Speaking as a daughter. I am glad to see my mother do what she can,being brave , being kind. It is hard to see this happening and able to do nothing to stop it. I for one, am glad you are sharing what your side of this equation it, thank you. You have to be helping so many sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it and see how strong and brave you are. Take care. Hugs.
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