LIFE AT THE MOMENT

and something new I found at the market
so good and Mango flavor a favorite of mine

Dinnertime

Nails do not look so fancy
but kept the squirrels
off the top of the tree stump
I feared the baby bluebirds were in danger
so this was my unique idea.

Rain for weeks
now hot and dry
like in the 90's daily
think I am in store for a hot dry summer.

At the moment
flowers beautiful and love watching the Humming Birds

New Old Bike

About 8 years ago a friend was going to throw away an old bike, I asked for it and leaned it
against a tree in front of the woods.   Now it is falling apart and I have been looking for another old bike.

My son looked while he was visiting and even old bikes pricey.

Two days ago the girl who helps me some evenings, watering flowers, filling bird feeders, etc
pulled in and in her truck, she said do you want this old bike.
I asked how much and where did you get it and she replied it was in a ditch for trash pick up
so it is free :)

It looks like new to me, I love it.

my old bike
and the new old bike

lucky me :)

Thoughts

Mozart is playing, tape almost 20 years old, so relaxing is the music.

Frequently the thought arises of not posting online anymore but then I dismiss it because I enjoy writing, sharing and posting pictures.  Love Instagram and not Facebook.

Guess I will continue sharing and my Instagram.

Miss my Callie so very much, it has been 16 months since I saw her.   A short stay in a rehabilitation
and my Jamie took her when I returned I did not like this but she was correct that I could not trip
over my girl,  Seems one thing after another for almost 2 years and now getting over heart attack which was 3 months ago
and rehabilitation, like Heaven to be home, doing well, using cane and walker, moving slow and
Hallelujah,

I have gained 5 lbs.

Problem is blood pressure fluctuating, medication has been increased but seems first thing every
morning it is still alarmingly high so now taking something at night in case there are thoughts
arising that I am not aware of

So everyone brags on me, how good I am doing, how good I look, that is fine
but difficult accepting the change in my life, but it is happening

So fortunate much did not happen until 80 years old and onward
so how blessed can I be?

I am the most unlikely person for a heart attack, always did everything correct, diet, exercise
so where did a heart attack come from and need to just forget and focus on life as it is and
ACCEPTING.

And to have a son come to be with you making a long trip from Thailand for one month
how lucky can a mama be?

So enough of this sharing.

I love all creatures But do not like the many squirrels I see at daybreak hanging and eating from
my birdfeeders
this morning here is one on the porch in my flower pot

Time What Are You Doing

Yesterday. 2019
at 8th grade formal

Yesterday in the past

Grandma loves you and so proud of your musical talent, awards you win and just that you
are you.

Helpful

A lifetime of excellent sleep has seemed to have left this one, hopefully, for a short time.

Maybe blood pressure medication
and blood pressure needs to be checked or take medication differently as it goes up drastically
and then back down causing stress.

Never a heart problem and difficult to accept that in last time of life this is happening when
I took excellent care of myself in every way.  Son repeats from 80 bodies just wear out
or I am now worn out. 

Very fortunate I have lasted this long.

I used this sound machine for several years, stopped, plugged it in last night and sound not as loud as I like at this time.

Using the Ocean Sounds, oh it is wonderful and I can imagine being in Jamaica, can almost
smell the ocean.

Just ordered a new one, reasonably priced at about $19;

not a clear picture
but birds everywhere, red birds hatching and bluebirds.

Spring is a wonderful time of the year.

New Family

New family resting in the

Lilac bush by the deck.

What a good father as he brings food and watches while mama is out.

I believe this is the 3rd summer here by my cottage
they have made their home.

Look out the door many times
and he is sitting on the outside door knob..

Two families of these red birds this Spring.

Must like me

Morning

WE ARE SHAPED BY OUR THOUGHTS

THE TROUBLE IS
YOU THINK YOU HAVE TIME

PAIN IS UNAVOIDABLE
SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL


Some words I wrote in my journal

Day Going By Fast

Early morning visitors

and remember

BUSY

A busy inside day
as it was raining on and off all day

Still trying to not bring up much in my memory.   Much that happened over the months medically
will surface and disturbs me.   Much I really had forgotten but evidently deep in the
subconscious of over a year of people in my home I did not know and now a few special items
are missing
best to just forget but difficult.   In many ways, I am me again.
Yes, Me with health challenges going on.

I am either too sensitive, continually looking for answers
or accustomed to knowing all and being in facilities, much medication told for healing, much has
gone deep into my subconscious - for lack of better explanation.

If I share with a doctor
they just listen
and really do not explain much to me.

Do they even know?   Truly would like to never go to a doctor again and just go and sit by the
woods and my flowers for healing.

A lot of paperwork stacked on my desk over the many months,
accustomed to being organized
finally up to going through much and sorting.

Some days I feel I am doing well
and other days
still, become frightened
that what has happened
will happen again.

Wonder if I am different
but then we are each unique
and maybe most people
do not question a lot I question.

My walking and balance is not good at all
because of arthritis
and knee replacement never is done in the past.
I am fine when sitting,
I keep moving, rarely stop
up at 5:00 and in bed by 7:30
my lifetime practice.
doors and windows open for the day
and love seeing all of nature.

Told to rest more, maybe a nap in the afternoon
have never done this and love doing what I do

Being careful
but I think I need to be more careful.  When out at the market
use my cane, some mention those horrible electric things
not me, will walk and hold onto the cart, if uncomfortable
someone can go with me.

Very honest as I share
maybe too honest.

Do not really think my children like hearing all of this,
Maybe my true feelings make them sad or they want to forget
this is going on with their mother.

I am so happy I can write
from my heart.
and share my feelings

Over the Ocean and Lunch

My boy is on the way to Thailand, safe travels my son.

My hair desperate to have done, morning trip, stops along the way on this over 80-degree plus day.
Special girl helps me in as it is going upstairs with one railing.  She is done in 25 minutes, thankful.
A longtime friend, she did my youngest daughter's hair when she married.

A quick stop in the market, so good to walk holding on to the cart. Good exercise in a large area 3 times a week.   Few items purchased and it has
been a long time since I noticed Thai Coconut soup available.

It is so good, along with grilled Gouda cheese sandwich with tomato and mixed greens in my
grandmothers small iron skillet,    I had success in making Hummus and also some artichoke, spinach dip.  Good with Naana bread warmed.   This was lunch a little left over for the evening.

Bought a Lemon Butter Pound Cake, miss baking, but this is good with a cold glass of milk.
Now weight come on....

Enough shared

Waiting

Waiting for you to bloom

Oregeno

I must confess
I truly know little about the many ways Oregano is used.
In Italian dishes that in the past I cooked I used it often.

While my son was visiting he took me to lunch several times at a wonderful place
I complimented this small elegant place.
Antonia, a Greek restaurant in Nashville.

Oh my
how delicious the food
I enjoyed eggplant stuffed with vegetables,  also a vegetable dish with Lamb,
their warm bread is wonderful
it was served in a small glass dish filled slightly with a warm dip.

I inquired "what is it".

Shared that it was
Olive oil ( and I know you know always use the best quality of Olive Oil available to you.)
a small amount of Crushed red pepper
also Oregano
and a splash of Lemon.

 I will experiment to see if I have success in my kitchen of reproducing something similar to the correct proportions for my taste.

Would be so tasty with warm bread in my home.
is Hummus,  Spinach/Artichoke dip, warmed small slices of Pita Bread
is so tasty

As I looked up Oregano on Amazon and continued reading about it online
learned much about this herb, the majority available online was medicinal.
I was looking for the best spice I could use in my new dip.

Also, the young man who helps me shared he takes Oregano pills and is very helpful for
issues going on with his body.

A lot of people in my area visit the Mennonites, my young helper has been visiting them for help with health issues.   Another young woman I know had cancer and worked with their herb healing
and cured

This is something I never did but at times over the years had thoughts of visiting them.

Do like they are not using Steroids.

Life

I thought of deleting my sharing
 that was done yesterday morning.

On second thought I will not delete those thoughts and honesty of my words
as my life is changing.

Yesterday my helper was amazing..  The doorknob was replaced, screen door repaired where the squirrel made a hole and is trying to make
his evening home my porch, pressure washed patio which was badly in need after 2 years.  We made a drive to town, market, post office, picked up lunch
and several errands I can take care of while sitting in the car.

Pleased with all accomplished I mentioned and much more.

This early morning I count my blessings, continue onward with all that is falling in place
and trying Acceptance of not my way
which is not an easy task
but his way
is slowly taking place.

This morning one may arrive to help in the garden
he called
not one who can always be counted on arriving
but hopefully, he does what he shared.

I am working on deleting the thought
that most being done by others are what I did in the past
and not liking it

Thank you to all who encourage.

All of you are bright and Shining Stars

to the one whose life is rapidly changing.

.

A New Bloom in the Garden and Pray for Acceptance

Yes, a new bloom in the garden
and I share my words to the Universe
and pray for Acceptance for life at this time

A rainy day.

Nothing built like in the past built this home 10 years ago and somethings not like in the past, an outside door cannot open and need new doorknob, the deck has a problem and one window.
Enough of this sharing and everyone who ever helped me and I depended on has now left
the planet so I begin over trying to find new help.

Many encouraging words come my way.
I try to take them to heart and so much do not share of going forward

Day by day she is moving and trying to do all she can with what is going on with
her body and thoughts that surface.   Told I am doing fine
but do not like this fine, miss what was.

She has lived a life with a passion for creating,  organized, disciplined, all was done her way and now so much is seen left undone not to her satisfaction or others
with her direction performing.  I try to pull some weeds holding onto the walker or a cane and not comfortable and cannot fall so I sadly just stop.

A healthy life, a good past filled with happiness, some sadness and many challenges and so fortunate that much happening with health did not happen until almost 80, so I am ashamed
of my thoughts.  I never took medication, just vitamins and now heart medication and a UTI in progress, do not like antibiotics and steroids, thoughts of throwing them all away.

Much left undone or repeatedly asked of dear ones "will you help me."
Do not like this new way
and guess I am stubborn.

I understand it all
Need to accept
 but extreme difficulty excepting all that has happened to my health in the last year and a half and not in
control of all like in my past lifetime
and must accept and continue on with a new way of life
and thoughts surface will it soon be over or last longer then I want it too.

My son is leaving in a few days
No words can describe the help he has been to this one.
No words to share the thankfulness for his time and kindness
and the visit of a month.

Who would ever think that on our last outing to the dentist, one small place I like to view and lunch
that he is holding my arm, carrying my purse and continually saying
"be careful."   My balance usually fine at home but being in unfamiliar places and excitement of doing special things seems to unsettle me a little and 1/2 day of going seems to be all I can
physically do.

Never in years past did I think it would be him with words that speak to my heart.

Daughters special, one out of state, others working, what is happening with their mother is probably
more then they at times can handle and I understand.

I am happy, sad, thankful, ashamed, do not like much, going forward, sometimes frightened, my mind
much younger than what number of age states and think I am alone on this journey,
maybe I am different or there may be others out there like me in the past and present

So much unknown.