The Test

6:00 this morning a driver took me to the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center at Centennial Medical in
Nashville, Tennessee.  He did what I asked, we took the back roads which I love.
No traffic and no accident delays like on the interstate.   I will no longer drive the interstate around
Nashville, it is horrid with so much traffic and this was the high traffic time.

We arrive and waited about 15 minutes and lead into a small room.   The nurse was so nice and immediately
made me feel at ease.  Shared about the Bone Marrow Biopsy and told me as she performed
she would be explaining the procedure every step of the way.

I originally was going to go with Morphine and Ativan but after she shared how medicated I would be,  would need someone with me at home until medication wore off and finally since
I was petite, no fat in the area where needle would go in my hip and that a plus,  Made the decision hesitantly
to just go with area being numbed.    Was told the painful part was when she extracted the
bone marrow, 2 teaspoons full.

I was not brave, very frightened of the anticipated pain,

My Jamie was with me and at the most painful part she was squeezing my hand as her mama
screamed.

I was so embarrassed about losing it, and with extraction - screamed loudly
but was told that at this time
many people curse :) and scream
I did not curse since  is not a part of my vocabulary.

I kept hearing words of how proud everyone was of me
for not using extreme pain relieving drugs with this procedure.

So home and no pain in the extraction area on my hip, just my normal all over body pain and just very tired as have not slept for 2 nights dreading this procedure.

Will have results in about 10 days
and told rheumatoid arthritis shows the same level as cancer of the bones.
Trying not to get out my crystal ball
predicting the results

Hope all of this makes since
and so glad this procedure is over...

Sharing

Have not been up to sharing
but must with so many over the years
reading my "Online Diary."

Blood work and ex rays revealed I am really quite healthy
even with all that is going on much arthritis and aging :)

But was revealed a very high protein level in my blood
which could be multiple melanoma.
The only way a correct diagnosis can be made is with
a bone marrow biopsy.

I do not want this test  but need to know and also to be fair with my children
so they will know.

Told it is at a 50/50 chance.
If it is positive it was shared a treatment will be with medication and steroids.
  I do not like medication and side affects
but now at one step at a time.

Appointment next Tuesday at hospital in Nashville where bone marrow biopsy
will be done.

One minute I am calm and the next kind of emotional with
what if?   In my heart I feel I do not have this and do not want this test.

At 80 I do not want a lot of additional  years but do want the best quality of life I can have,
and told if I have melanoma in my bones and take medication it will give me a better quality of life
for remaining years and if I do not take medication and have this
would not be much quality of life left for me.

Jamie has been so good to me
taking off work
to be with me at oncologist office and so impressed with her note taking.

I smile that after these 3 visits
she sent me an email saying
she was extraordinarily proud of me of the way I handled myself
and thorough questions that I asked :)  I will always remember these words...

Thanks for all the emails
and keeping me in your thoughts
through the next weeks....

Remember

"Promise me

you'll always remember,

your braver then you believe,

stronger then you seem

and smarter than you think"

Winnie the Pooh

Read this yesterday in an article from N.Y. Times
and thought need to pass this on to all of my
children and grandchildren.

Early morning images

Crepe Myrtles in full bloom on this beautiful cool morning - 60 degrees

Cypress vine in several areas doing well, but not many blooms.

and my little Callie continues to follow me everywhere and never takes her eyes off of me :)


So
on to the Oncologist to hear what they think is going on with this one....

Yesterday and Today

Terrace garden did not look like this
summer of 2016 :(  Too much heat and rain.  Rain continues today
but cooler and no rain next week - good....






View early morning and seems early to see smoke coming out of the old barns.
but love the site and the scent on this country road.   Makes me think of Fall...

Youngest granddaughter
a cheer leader at the Tennessee Titans first game this afternoon.
Can hardly wait for pictures to arrive
and it just arrived :)

This seems like yesterday

A week of test, much blood drawn and scans and ex rays from the tip of my toes to the top of my h
My Jamie taking me Monday to return visit with Oncologist,  hoping to know what is going with this body,   I think more then arthritis and aging.    Always been good at accepting much in my life
but this is different and not doing too well as several of my girls remind me.

A Day of Thankfulness

My Jamie's family arrived, Alan grilled hamburgers with blue cheese on top.   Mom
made a big salad, fresh sweet tea and the best Carrot Cake I ordered from a friend.

Amelia, my youngest GD must be the sweetest child on this earth.  Many "I love you Grandma"
and many hugs.  Showed me her cheer leading routine and yes she will be in the air
"Lord please do not let fall."    Caitlin excited about soccer at her new school.

They have left for visit to Alan's parents and Jamie will take me to specialist in the morning,
filled out so many papers for me and I thank her.

Images today... peaches, tomato's and homemade peach preserves from near by fruit stand.
Also my Tuscany bread that Beth brought yesterday.

serene room at dawn and view from the screen porch

A painting I have had for over 50 years
for the birthday girl...

My skin so thin
and bruising easily
but several hours ago bumped against something
and looks like something sliced some skin off - hopefully it heals...

A life for many years
well lived
continues in a cottage, down a gravel road  by the woods
and must be the most peaceful place on the planet...

Morning

"Waking up this morning, I smile.  Twenty four brand new hour's are before me.
I vow to fully live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with
eyes of compassion."

Thich Nhat Hanh  

My son sent this to me
12/31/2014

Going through my file this morning
I found this email
it was uplifting
and need to remember.

Something New

1:30 meal today
noticed at the market the other day and bought frozen.

Kale Burger, topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato.

Ordered these NEW Clif bars
and so tasty and less sugar, more protein and fiber then my 2 a day Ensures.  Also
more calories - which I need.

So many protein bars are crunchy and I like this one since it is soft.


I believe my baking days may have ended so I ordered a carrot cake from a friend.
She arrived about an hour ago and put in my garage freezer for me.   Want this cake
for Jamie when she arrives for her birthday.

Also want to find out what other cakes she bakes and would like to keep one on hand
in the
freezer for me and when someone stops by to have with tea or coffee.

I heard comments of how beautiful my garden looked, know
they did not see all of the weeds :)

Raining at the moment and the ground surrounding this cottage is saturated.

School Beginning

Early morning looking through old pictures
and oh how my youngest granddaughter's have changed

First day of school for Miss A

these days gone forever.

Miss C's first dance.

I look at the old pictures and smile.

Wish the young man that helped me in the flower beds would return, he may or may not and I
am continuing to downscale everything.

My youngest daughter a birthday girl in another week
will be pleased to see her family visit and Jamie spending the night
to go with me to oncologist the next morning and
thankful for this

5 lbs at birth, 2 weeks early, so tiny
was my girl...