Books by the old Leather Chair

  • Snow In The Summer
  • My Bible
  • The Power of Silence
  • What Comes Next and to Like It
  • Encore Provence
  • A Year in Provence

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Good Son

Yesterday a gloomy and cloudy day and the same today and on and on. Sometimes I welcome days like this. It is a chance to catch up on inside chores and pleasures.
I did a couple of loads of wash, vacumed and some dusting and finished reading "The Big House".
I enjoyed this book but it seemed to make a lot of past memories surface.
As the day went on I seemed to become very blue. Many thoughts of past, present and future.
I truly thought with the creating of this home and garden that I would settle into city life and live happily ever after. Well that is not happening. I am becoming very restless and I do not like it. I know the time of year is contributing to this. Also I thrive in a state of doing. Happiest when creating homes and gardens. I have created 3 in the past 10 years.

I strive so for balance and maybe this is a part of being a Libra which is the sign of the scales.
It is difficult to make new friends as you grow older and at my age and given the fact that throughout my lifetime most of the people I felt the closest to were older then me and the fact that I have continually put myself in new enviorments every few years - now it seems I almost stand alone. In a new location and with my interests being home, family, gardening and nature - where does that put me. I shared with my son recently that lately I feel like I am invisable.
He smiled and said that well known people travel places where they can enjoy this. So maybe it is an asset that I have not realized.

My son encourages me continually to get out of my enviorment. Go the the library, book store,
yoga lessons and on and on. Just seems it is becoming more difficult for me to want to go anywhere. I do not like crowds or large gatherings of people. I have shared bits and pieces throughout my journal. My grandchildren will certainly know some about their grandmother's personality. I probably would have been a good Thoreau.

My youngest daughter encourages me to do volunteer work (I did try some of this) find a new church home (this has been a big part of my life in the past) and I am not led to do this.

Thoughts entered my mind yesterday if I would be anymore lonely looking out my window at the fields, woods and wildlife then looking out of this city cottage window at the cars whizzing past and the city sounds?
I know my children are tired of me sharing and I do not blame them. But I know my answer will come for direction as it always does.

I also am well aware that when I can stay outside and garden I am the happiest. So with my new interest of writing and photography I will have some added interest for the winter months.

Back to yesterday. About 4:00 pm my son called and told me he was going to a wine and cheese open house at his accountants office and invited me to go with him. I tearfully shared I just do not like these gatherings. There is not much that has not touched my long life. He went on to say it was right after work at 5:30 and he would only stay about an hour and he would call back at 5:00 to see if I changed my mind.
Well I did change my mind. At 5:30 he pulled in front of my cottage and helped me in his car.
Long story made short, it did pull me out of the pit of gloom I was in. Each room and there were about a dozen of them represented a different country. Wine and cheese from that country. Enjoyed the different types of cheese. Also with a dry mouth condition I do not enjoy dry wines. But a local winery from my country area had some fruit wines. I bought a bottle of peach and another of strawberry. Will be good to make smoothies or at some time when I feel like a touch of summer.

So my good son, your mom thanks you. You are the best.

Some more sharing on another gloomy morning from this One Woman on her Journey Through This Life.


Tabor said...

You might check with your doctor to see if some hormone or enzyme deficiency or even a vitamin issue is contributing to your feelings. As we age our body does not metabolize as it should. (I know that I would stay home more often if not for my husband and kids...) Be thankful for your children and when they call NEVER say no thanks!

Darlene said...

Tabor has good advice for you, Ernestine. You seem to be depressed and need to find out why. Getting away for a change of scenery is good therapy.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

tabor and darlene, time of year and I have always had difficulty sitting still. Just thought by this age it would ease up. Not depressed just so much I still want to do.

L. said...

What a brave post of some of your innermost thoughts........these are feelings that all of us 'mid-lifers' have probably felt at one time or another. So, please know that you are certainly not alone.

Pushing ourselves to get out and go places when we have these feelings can be most difficult...and not everyone can understand this...but I am so glad that you went with your son...and, had a lovely time. Children are such blessings, aren't they?

I definitely believe that people go through 'seasonal' down times....The good thing is that 'this too shall pass'...

So, hang in the things that make you feel happy inside...and know that you do have a whole network of friends who care about you out here in blogger-land! : )

Take care...

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Grammie, thank you. It is a good day. Raining but have been to grocery and doing some baking.

Mim said...

I seem to be a stay at home bird as well.
But your son sounds like a treasure.
Life is hard...being alone exacerbates that I think.
You seem to be a kind and gentle spirit.
And yes fall/winter is hard on us gardening types!