She started to dream last fall of returning to her country property. Mornings were spent walking on the property among the old towering trees and the untamed jungle like woods. She dreamed of per suing her new interest in nature photography in this area. She dreamed of sitting and writing in the total stillness.
She bribed her son with lunch at the local soda shoppe if he would drive her to this area. Maybe he could give her some direction as she sought an answer.
He walked some of the property with her and she pointed out a spot that she would like to have some sort of retreat.
She asked him point blank "do you think it is too late for me to build again"? His answer "I think you have already made the decision". Guess he could read my heart.
She followed her heart and not her mind. The mind could give a dozen reasons for not doing this. But the heart "said go forward".
A long, exciting, 6 months. There she stands my new home. Not what I started out dreaming of but something more practical.
She loves it. Always one that could hardly sit still - she stands for hours gazing at the towering trees and fields.
From her bedroom window she views the most magnificent sunsets that she has ever witnessed.
She is at a loss for words to share her thankfulness that she was allowed to create this retreat.
At the moment she is well, at peace and weary.
So many plans go through her mind of the simple garden she wants to create. Then another part of her just wants to sit, do nothing and dream.
She is back in the city cleaning a garden and must water the wilting plants.
She has a smile on her face and wonders at times - has she lost her mind - what has happened that she does not think like she did months ago. It is almost like she has been reborn. Could it be the nonstop activity and mind decisions of months just totally depleted her thought process and energy. She smiles as she recalls reading somewhere "that most creative people are slightly mad" hopefully this is not me. Then if it is - she has such a deep sense of peace - that is really does not matter!!!
Does this even make sense!!!!
Let Me Grow Lovely
Let me grow lovely, growing old - So many fine things do.
Lace, ivory, and gold, and silks need not be new.
There is healing in old trees, old streets a glamour hold.
Why may not I, as well as these.
Grow lovely, growing old.
Karle Baker - The Best Loved Poems of the American People 1939
20 comments:
What a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing it. I think I will copy it down and put it in my journal. A keepsake this one is. And it certainly seems you are aging with grace and beauty. I am so happy to hear you getting settled and loving life, esp. the trees and plants. Joy! And so what if you are slightly mad? I'll join you in that madness. I imagine all of us who are so soulful and stare alot--esp. out in nature--could be called that. I prefer to call us "aware."
Jan, thank you for your meaningful comments. This weary lady is groping for correct words to share how she feels. It is aware, soulfully aware with a deep peace.
Of course you are not mad, maybe a little overdosed by pure joy and pleasure of being home, On the other hand, a little madcap thinking probably doesn't hurt at our age. I had to run and find the poem of growing lovely. Mother read poems to me as a child from Best love poems ... I'm pretty sure Aisling has Mother's copy, I bought one for myself. I still browse that wonderful old book full of love, laughs and tender memories.
Cloudhands, thank you for your kind comments. This is a lovely poem.
"There is healing in old trees"....
I love that line, and know it to be true.
Your description of craziness really hit home. Very often when I am in the middle of writing a story or making a collage or just get a new idea, it is what I can an mental oxygen burst. And, it does seem as if there is a tinge of madness.
I wish you all the best in your new home.
If you are this happy than you cannot be mad. You sound so very very happy!
your heart knew what it needed, and it is satisfied now. what more could you want? too much analysis can mangle the joy you are feeling. let the questions go and dance in the celebration and joy of your life, just as it is, just as you are. it is clear to your readers you are just where you need to be. :)
Kenju, lilalia,Tabor and Sky, thanks for checking in and your encouraging words. Sky, you are so right about my analytical mind.
Mind stop it!! To thank in the last year that my online friends (who I have never met in person) have become my friends that I can share so openly. I send each of you blessings this day. I am smiling.
Posts like these give me hope that growing old is not to fear the loss of beauty, but to grow deeper into it still.
May your mind be at peace and your heart filled with stillness and wonder.
The poem is lovely as is your new home. May you spend many, many happy years in your retreat.
It makes so much sense I can't tell you! Lovely post.
Even though I have been very quiet, I have been following your adventure regularly. You are so thoughtful about everything you do..a planner and visionary! You continue to inspire us by living intentionally. May your new home bring you peace and joy, many smiles, and amazing skies!
Mermaid, thank you for checking in.
Am I growing old - I smile - guess so. It usually never enters my mind until I notice the arms are not as firm as in the past and I have taken to wearing longer sleeves for special occasions - like going to the grocery - lol.
Darlene and Phoenix, thank you also. Lonely Rivers, I love the way you write. Looking for a new post from you.
Again, thank all of you for encouraging me onward.
I am so happy for you and so happy that you pursued a dream and now it is a reality that you are enjoying every minute in your new home. May you have many happy years to come there and your journey continue with your gardens and home and wildlife.
So glad you have found your home, Ernestine. And a lovely one at that. It's an extraordinary thing to watch a house take on the shape of your imagination.
Peace be with you in your new country dwelling.
Your words make me cry. How I admire you; what an inspiration you are to people of all ages. The poem was wonderful, too. Thank you for sharing your time and your thoughts.
I have not had a chance to read your blog for a while, but this posting is lovely, I am so happy for you!
I have a similar dream but am not nearly as close to accomplishing it as you, your journey gives me hope and inspiration.
I love the poem, I love mermaid's comment about it.
Cheers to you!
Just came by to see how you are doing... There is a lovely sense of calm and contentment in your post. Perhaps you are back in the country, immersing yourself in the peacefulness of your retreat, as I write this.
Judy, Deborah, Nan, Annie and Aisling, Thank you for checking in on me. All is Well!! Your comments help me continue to pursue my dream.
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