My last post, your word are all too kind and to think one is from Scotland.
You make me smile and for a few minutes and the pain disappears.
So will share what I vow not to share.
Pain worse with the third and last shot 8 days ago/. If I call the doctor and share they will want me to return for another way and at the moment thinking nothing more for my poor legs. Nurse on her weekly visit
has no suggestion except I am not taking enough pain medication. Tried her way for one day and no
way will I do this, told 1/2 pill that I take when I feel as though I will destruct not enough and now 106 lbs cannot tolerate a whole one and will
not share what it is. Stubborn one would rather have pain and a mind then no pain and no mind.
My mind keeps reminding me of the healthy lifestyle in my past. But my son, the encouraging
smart one tells me you cannot stop aging we were not meant to live forever and I smile that he always adds "just breathe." daughters comment "I am so sorry and another just can't bear what I share,
another so busy working on her own, just time there for her and two children
involved in so much, all of my children and grandchildren super smart and not just because I am their mother and grandmother:) So proud of them and I am becoming a burden.
Strange I always feel pretty good when I am sitting at the computer and when my several hours
young helper arrives (she just walked in the door :)
The Shingles from tooth extraction has caused nerve damage,
so much I do not share in detail, like Vascular surgeon visit on Tuesday. Some light brown on lower
legs and a little swollen, Told nothing serious, just another aging factor as circulation slows.
The healthy one, wine in the past occasionally, walking miles, always working in her garden, eating correctly, never over 115 lbs
except when pregnant 4 times, so no lung, heart or mind problem but little by little nothing is the
same.
My battle at this time as 80 rolls onward is accepting, stop talking about it and it is very difficult
for this one.
Hate a cane and the walker I use, but it keeps me mobile and when daily someone will comment
you are doing so good, you look good
I would like to say horrible words.
What a horrible post
should delete it,,,,,,
So just want to stay independent, not afraid of death, just the process of little by little with the body.
Ending this
not an uplifting post
just life as it is.
Just lashing out verbally my thoughts
forgive me,...
13 comments:
Oh my dear, thank you for baring all and letting us know just what is going on with you. I know, hard to do. I'm so sorry. Just sending love and hugs, and hopes that you will have good days more often than not.
xoxoxoxoxo Bobbie DeWitt
No need for forgiveness--I feel the same most days.
Living with constant pain changes our attitudes and the positiveness we used to have.
It is hard, I know.
The fact that children and grand children get so busy we feel a burden or forgotten, also makes for a sad feeling all the time.
What else can we do? One day at a time and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Some days, my mind seems foggy and I don't even feel like getting dressed.
This part of our journey is not much fun--not at all like I thought it would be.
What better place to vent these honest feelings of what it is like to age, for so many of us. You know there are so many here who understand fully, and offer caring support.
You are doing the right thing by venting. Keeping it inside can only eat into your soul more.
Hope it turns out to make you feel better. Be assured you are not doing anything bad.
So many have no way, no ears or hearts to listen to these painful parts.
Know there is caring, respect and understanding coming your way from Cape Cod tonight and always.....Love to you.....Marcia
you are all too kind
was going to delete the post
always better when I rest
and just not a resting person
My heart goes out to you, Ernestine. Know that many people hold you in their thoughts and are wishing you well.
Frequent or constant pain cannot but help affect one’s attitude, thoughts and disposition. Can appreciate your choice to have a clear mind and why you would resent the circumstances that would cause you to need a medication that would interfere with that clarity. Coping with such a challenge is no easy matter. Make the most of whatever distractions allow you moments of relief including what you write here. Sending you positive thoughts.
Thank you for the honest share, E. We need to write honestly without fear of judgement. I have bad days with my PVD in the legs and erratic heart beats. I find CBD oil really really helps me in every way. Makes it all more tolerable. I hugely recommend if you haven't tried it.
Pain distorts everything, our outlook our well-being our perceptions.
This is aging, we are all in the boat with you m'dear and thank you for this.
XO
WWW
Ernestine, I appreciate your honest words and thoughs whether they are pretty or not. Peace
I was diagnosed with cancer last year. I am doing well but, still, my only resolution is that I live to see the end of another year. Because one just never knows once that diagnosis is made. I know you are grateful to see your children grown and your grandchildren, and I envy you.
Holding you gently in my thoughts, Ernestine. I know only too well what living with such pain is like. How I miss the days when I could cover several miles in the woods with a big pack of camera equipment. Cancer has made this old life smaller in so many ways.
My daughter the doctor says individuals can choose what works for them. There is not one answer for everyone. You know what you need. We only have the "present" and that is all we need to take care of for now. Thinking of you ~
I'm so glad you didn't delete this post. You are an inspiration, and I love reading about your perspective on things. Thank you for writing and sharing it. I'm wishing you strength and pain-free peace and comfort.
My Dad turned eighty last June and after years of pretty good health, had to get a knee replacement and nearly died from a burst appendix. It has been so hard to see him go through all of this, and I know half the battle for him was wanting and wishing he could stay strong for the rest of us. He has, and is, in so many ways, even if not always physical. I'm sure you are the same for your family, and for yourself. Hugs to you.
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