COMING CLEAN

What I shared yesterday
I read
and it sounds delightful.

But the truth is
I still have severe arthritis  and pain
goes and comes in its severity.

Balance still not good at all and walk very carefully with walker.
The walker using instead of cane (still use cane when family takes me some place)
started about 2 months ago.
Feel safer using it in this facility.

Did not realize how many have a balance problem in the past.
In this facility seems everyone has it.  Seems to be a part of aging for many
and really in my past years never gave it a thought and if I did
thought it would skip me :)

In this facility many are getting over falls, returning from hospital after breaking something
I would say 75% in wheel chairs
so I am very fortunate to be considered independent, doing most for myself
and being very careful with the walker.

One here in her 90's shared "if it is in your bloodline you cannot escape it"
so my mother, aunts, grandmother all had this, did not fight it and guess
I still am fighting it and probably will continue the fight and doing all I know to do
without strong medication.
They just seemed to sit down and accept, not my nature
good or bad, do not know......

I still exercise daily, they offer chair exercises almost every morning, went to
class several times but like doing my exercises at 5:30 to 6:00 AM early every
morning, my lifetime schedule has not changed and in bed by 6:30 or 7:00. every night.

Appreciate all the encouraging comments

Granddaughter's still out of school, so cold and roads horrible.
So I am fortunate to be in this lovely place with this severe cold weather.
At my country home it is about zero.

Miss Callie but she is in a good place with Jamie and girls.
I still wonder does she miss me :(

My Caitlin, now 15 with first boy friend, time going by too fast.

a memory

Winter In The City

So I am in the city, maybe for the winter
and look at this view from my window

This place sits on one of the highest hills in this area.of Tennessee   Really beautiful
It is similar to this at my country home on flat land.

All is well except I feel closed in.   This one accustomed to getting in the car and driving
and not possible at this time and should not be anyway with the not good roads.

So, One Woman calm down, count your blessings and who knows what Spring will bring
and a son arriving soon.....and two wonderful daughters and 2 talented granddaughter's
really close and dropping in to see you often

You have a beautiful room, looks like your home, good food, nice people surrounding you
with so many stories, so relax and rest.   Seems your anxiety has left, blood pressure better then in years
and you feel rested.  Just, it seems I have turned into someone I really do not know...
and have not decided yet - if I like this relaxed one :)

Just not accustomed to feeling this good without a list of chores to do, cooking meals, cleaning, list of outside area work  and almost tripping
over my special one "Miss Callie."

Moving Forward

St Francis now sits in my window and a glimpse of my country bird feeder hangs in the tree outside
my window

created a small area to slice somethng or put in small microwave

very small microwave, fridge and storage, wish were a bit bigger
but for tea, something small to warm up it is fine

So the one who has created many homes, decorated them is pleased she took a good size
room, filled it with her favorite pieces and has made it seem like home.

Here or the country home
I am ready for whatever life has in store for me
just cannot fall.....

Thoughts

You will not be the same

after the storms of life

You will be stronger, wiser and more alive

then ever before

Bryant McGill

There is always a reason

you meet people

Either you need them

to change your life

or you are the one

to change theirs

Angel Harefa

A NEW WAY GOING FORWARD

Much I am learning to do in a different way

I have always used an antenna in my country homes
here in the city at this nice place
you are connected to Com cast.
A lot is different with phone as answering machine does not work and a lot changed on computer.
The television is totally different with many channels and if I have the local news and Public
Broadcasting I am pleased.   Not a television viewer, I write and read....

I like to send my children images of what I am doing
and it takes like 10 or 15 minutes
and not the size I want.  So easier on this journal site and guess the whole world will know what I am doing :)

Have been trying to send image of 1/2 card table I ordered to put in front of window.  No room on computer desk to write and also if I want to eat something or have a cup of tea I can sit at this
table and look at the view out of this window.  Looks like Winter woods at this time but if here in the Spring will be beautiful and they fill large container outside my window with flowers.

trying to decide whether to keep or return to Amazon for smaller table ?

Jamie arrived yesterday morning and took me to the dentist I have gone to for 25 year and will not change as they are all so kind and never any pain.

My plans for future
no plans
one day at a time
I do know
at the moment
this is where I need to be.

Learning a New Way

almost looks like my country cottage
and guess what, my Orchids full of buds and seem to love the sunny mornings.

Have done what my son told me "take your favorite things, I will take them back when you return:)

No rest as of yet
time consuming adding a new address, phone number and changing subscriptions either temporary
or forever, who knows, not me....

Down to one small pile of paperwork

Going through papers I see my youngest daughter wrote words about her mama, will share in the future
I smile and almost cry at her words.

So bitter cold here like other areas but warm in this environment, one of the reasons I am here as Winter is here.

Callie, never around other dogs and seems to be enjoying company of Jamie's  dogs :) I miss her and Jamie
soon to bring her for a visit, she has not broiught her as she knows it would make me sad.


Checking in and more later.

Thanks to everyone for all of your encouraging and  kind words....

A New Year

I write these words as a New Year will begin in minutes.

Something I said I would never do has been done  12 days ago with help, much was packed and I am in a beautiful place near my Jamie and Beth,   Would not have done this except my room has a large window, big tree outside where a bird feeder will be hung, a red one from the country.

Organizing to leave I had another fall, once again nothing broken just skinned arm badly and bruised left side  Difficult for me to believe I did this and just erased my beautiful country cottage from my mind, hopefully for a short time.  A very cold winter arriving and my Callie is with my Jamie and I wonder does she miss me.

They call this temporary home Senior Solutions, I am considered independent, but most here
are not and I am ashamed for complaining .  Everyone so nice and I reach out to all, pat shoulders, they all have wonderful backgrounds
and on my own began sitting with a 105 year old retired teacher, hard of hearing but I talk louder
because she was sitting alone,

The words I wrote in my journal after arriving.

"So I have arrived at Brookdale
very weary, exhausted
recovering from my third fall this year.
It is a lovely place, people friendly, beautiful room furnished with some of my favorite pieces.
But my heart is in the woods.
So there comes a time when you want what is best for you
not what you desire"

Guess that says it all and hoping when my Jimmy arrives from Thailand in a number of weeks
that I can return to my cottage in the woods.   In my heart I know this is best at this time.
I was on a downward cycle, not eating, not resting and always busy, seems I could not sit still.
Balance probem is progressing and will continue to do so with Sjogrens, arthritis and aging,
I was truly doing all I knew to do but not resting and eating.

My Jimmy tells me to treat Brookdale like the vacations I never took for 40 years as I never
wanted to leave my home.  So it is a thought, but if I get to return to the woods
I will kiss the ground and never leave again.....

Here I can rest, 3 nourishing meals a day, help that I need at this time and taking one day at a time.
Downside it seems that muc I reach for and need to use is in the country and to think I am an excellent
organizer and packer :)

as you enter this beautiful place and dining room with lovely tables

My orchids seem to like it here
and are blooming

my room in progress

I will add
if it was not this lovely
would not have come and the plus my Jamie 5 minutes away visits daily.

Enough shared at this time with more to come,  thanks to the many emailing me and it was
time for me to share

Happy New Year