Christmas Eve - 2008

The memories come flooding into her mind. Christmas season in the past was filled with the endless shopping, baking, picking out just the right gift and hiding them so they would be a surprise.
Stacks of cards sent and many letters written as it seemed a special time to get in touch with those who were special. Many of those special ones had not been seen in years but they came to mind at this time of the year. The endless decorating the house inside and out. Special candle light Christmas Eve service at church. The beautiful hymns and the Lords Supper. A special time of reflection into the past, present and future. The children so excited they could hardly sleep and then Christmas morning everyone was up at dawn. Really special if it was snowing.
The excitement of the gifts everyone would receive and she would always receive something so special from the father of her children. Gifts at that time for a lifestyle at a different time in her life. Now her life is so much simpler and that type of gift would have no appeal.
A special big breakfast was made. A southern breakfast. She scrambled a dozen or more eggs, sausage, bacon and ham, biscuits and milk gravy. Usually banana bread or pumpkin bread, a coffee cake and special jams and jelly's that had been made the summer before. Coffee, tea and juice for everyone to help themselves. Oh the smells of Christmas breakfast. Later in the day more family and sometimes some friends of the children would arrive. Then the big dinner of turkey, dressing, scalloped oysters (my son's favorite) several kinds of vegetables (some from the freezer of summer freezing, corn and green beans) and a relish tray filled with stuffed celery. At one time her homemade yeast rolls and sour dough bread. Then on to the desert of jam cake, sour cream pound cake and every one's favorite chocolate fudge cake. Along with tea, coffee, wine and eggnog on a sideboard.
She cannot remember all that was prepared but these she remembers this cold rainy morning.
She remembers the endless pictures being taken and the movie camera that dad used continually.
She remembers with a thankful heart and tears. She is amazed at how fast the years have gone by. Some children and grandchildren near and some far away. She wonders if they remember the family times in the past.

Now there is a special meal during the holidays for her family and then on to her youngest daughter on Christmas day to view the excitement of those two special little ones. Three and six years old is such a special and magical time for them. They run and and hug her and usually say "grandma I love you" sometime during this visit. The sentiment and hug bless her. Guess she misses the hugs of life so much.
She has so much to be thankful for. There is much with some members of family that she wishes was different. They view her as very strong, self sufficient and not needy. She is this and a rich life has been given her. A life of little and a life of much and now a life of desired simplicity. But in these last years the love and the contact with her are the priceless gifts that can be given to her.
So another Christmas Eve and she has thoughts of what her continued journey through this life has to offer.
She smiles to herself for all is well in her heart, mind and soul. What more could you ask for then this.
One wish for all to be together once again on a Christmas morning.

Mourning Dove

When I look out my kitchen window there are about a dozen mourning doves. Why is it that when I see them I have a sense of peace.

They are so gentle, soft and innocent looking. I love their call during nesting season.

After my mother passed away there was a dove that stayed outside my bedroom window for months. Many thoughts came to mind. One thought continually came to mind, she was sending me Peace.

I can remember when I lived in the country and in the fall there would be dove hunts. This truly saddened me.

A thought this early morning from One Woman on her Journey Through This Life.

The Shoes

Arriving home from school she saw the box. There was usually a box about once a year. Her grandmother would send them.
Hand me down clothes that she was thrilled to wear. They were usually much nicer then what mom could buy. Or rather more expensive.
She spotted the shoes. Oh they were beautiful. She would usually have a pair of shoes purchased for her once a year. Such a narrow foot and only some kind of not very pretty oxford that laced up. Oh these shoes were beautiful. She tried them on and they were a little big but that did not matter. She stuffed paper in the toes and proudly wore them to school the next day.
She was so proud of them. The first comment from a classmate "those shoes are too big for you." She quickly replied "oh no - they fit just fine." She kept a smile on her face throughout the school day.
But the comment saddened her, she cried all the way home from school that day and never wore the shoes again.

Winter Night

A snowy evening. Cuisine perfect in a restaurant that looked like a log cabin. Roaring fire, candles on the tables and soft music in the background. A glass of wine, salad and her favorite crab stuffed shrimp was set in front of her. In many ways it became a night to remember. She was young, a career and no lack of interested beaus . Here she was on another date just to fill time. A boring time. She vowed never to spend any more evenings like this.
Trip to to restroom and a waitress appeared sharing that someone quite well known would like to meet her. A stranger she would not consider. After several episodes like this a phone number was shared. It was shared with the thought that this individual, whoever he was could easily be rejected.
A week later on an evening with this stranger in the same setting - it was magical. As the evening ended and the car pulled out with the soft snow falling he held her hand. At the moment she would have gone anywhere with him and he felt the same. The beginning of love in youth is magical. Many times it does not last. Then it is good that we all grow up.

Dr. Jeff

After my youngest daughter Jamie graduated from college and was no longer living at home I kept having thoughts of leaving the old farm house.

I loved it but the upkeep was tremendous for One Woman. A home that is over 100 years old always has something to be done to it. Also the size of the home was large and I began to feel like I needed something smaller.

When I started the country lifestyle I vowed not to be so fussy and let things look more natural.

Guess that is not me. I was constantly grooming, painting and cutting grass. Had a garden, raised animals and everything that went with that lifestyle and I never caught up.

I had mentioned to several people that I was thinking of making a change.

This was the only home I have truly love and I lived there longer then anywhere else in my lifetime. It was the first home that was mine alone. A home that came into my life at a time when I began a new lifestyle. A home that I totally remodeled, added additions, and groomed. A home where I healed, where my youngest daughter was raised, and family and older grandchildren frequently visited. A home where there came a time that I felt in my heart it was the time to move on and not look back. There was a grieving period but I can say with all honesty that I did move on. I have continually had a bond with the land surrounding that home. A bond that will not go away and I guess that is why in my later years I hunger for the land that came into my life over 30 years ago.

This home was not on the market but one day a neighbor who was in the real estate business came by to see me. She asked if she could bring someone by to see it and I agreed.

You cannot help but love Dr. Jeff. He surely is in the right profession of being a doctor with his compassionate and warm nature.

He walked in the door, all way over 6 ft and inches of him.

This was an advantage since he was a former basketball star at Vanderbilt University in Nashville.

Anyway with his big smile and kind nature I was immediately drawn to him.

To this day I cannot think of him without a smile coming to my face. Also with thankfulness for the help he would give me for my many poison ivy woes.

The old home with the high ceilings and the new part I had added with a vaulted ceiling were perfect for him. He did not have to bend over to go through the doors. I think the size of the rooms and ceiling height offered him a freedom that other homes might not have. There was a barn for horses and a pond behind the barn.

Several trips to continue looking at house and when his wife returned from a trip she joined him in looking at my much loved old home.

I knew they were drawn to the home and I have always felt a peace in my heart that they would live there and finish raising their two sons in that home.

This is one of the neighbors nearby as I venture out more often to the country.

One more memory this early morning from This Woman on Her Journey Through This Life.

Winter Solstice

Winter Solstice marks the shortest day and longest night of the year. Arriving this December 21st.
These short days and long nights should be a time of semi-hibernation, a time for One Woman to rest and rejuvenate. I am staying inside more but I have not slowed my mind and body.
I do not like the restlessness that I am experiencing. Wonder if anyone else is like this? It may have something to do with the holiday season. I am doing less this year then ever before and I like it. I would like to curl up in my chair in front of the fire with a cup of tea and read all day. This has not happened. How can One Woman find such endless activities as morning yoga, meditation, cleaning, cooking, washing, errands, writing, phone rings and a quick bite to eat and the day is gone.
Maybe my time by the fire with book in hand will happen in the next several months before Spring starts surfacing. I surely hope so.

It seems I hear a voice speaking to my heart and it is saying "what do you intend to do with the rest of your life". I want to answer " at the moment I do not know for sure but I have a pretty good idea". I do know I am increasingly aware how limited my time on this earth is from now on.

If we had no winter, the Spring would not be so pleasant.
Anne Bradstreet

My Encourager

Ellen Collins born October 24th, l886 - Parents - Sarah Jane Collins and William Nealy Collins
Married - William Lee Nolen - October 18, 1908 - Parents - William Nolen Sr. and Rebecca Jane

My maternal grandmother "Ma." I believe I was the only grandchild that called her this.
I reach out in love to her with all my heart - this early morning. I reach out with a child and grown woman's heart. Oh how she would have loved my children and grandchildren.

She was left a widow in her early 30s and had 6 children. She moved from her home and built a smaller one (maybe where some of my creative energy comes from). She never drove a car, had a washing machine, central air and heat, and so many items we have in our homes now that we take for granted.
Will not go into all of the stories. She passed away at the age of 81. I cannot think of her without my eyes filling with tears and a deep sense of gratitude for all of the encouragement and love she gave me through her lifetime. I do not remember ever receiving a written card from her (or I would have saved it) or a gift. But she gave me the best gift of all "love".

She loved me in a way that no one else has ever loved me. My parents were young. Mother 17 years old when she married. Now that is a child in my eyes. As I grew older and more mature (which took a while) I realized that I expected something in my childhood that was just not there.
I spent my happiest times with this grandmother. There was always encouragment. My parents relocated to Detroit to work when I was a toddler. I was raised in apartments and my grandmother would come to Detroit and take me home with her. Also when my parents went to Nashville during the summer they would sometimes leave me with my grandmother. I can remember running and hiding at departing time as I did not want to go home with my parents. I wanted to stay with my grandmother. What wonderful memories. Times at my aunts homes, family gatherings and just sitting on her porch on the swing. Memories of home made ice cream, playing under sprinkler, her starching my dresses until they could stand in the corner and no way could we miss church on Sunday morning and Sunday night and on Wednesday night. I can remember walking to the church in the sweltering heat and everyone fanning themselves with paper fans.
I remember night sounds, her brushing my hair, the ice cream man going by in front of the house, a man going by with a horse drawn cart selling vegetables and even chickens. I always wanted a bike but because of living in the busy city I never had one. But when visiting "ma"

my cousin would bring his over. I would ride and ride until my hearts content.

On these visits I would also spend time with my maternal grandmother. She loved me but it was not the same as with Ma. It might have been because there was just the two of us in her home and she could focus on me completely.
It does not sound like enough to just say she loved this skinny little girl and made me feel bright and pretty and just plain wonderful. So many wonderful memories from my childhood visits with her.
Since I lived in an apartment it seemed at that time like her white cottage surrounded by hedge with big trees in the yard was a mansion.
In the past I drove by and could not believe my eyes. I viewed this very small home, hedge and trees no longer there and it looked so small, simple and plain.

My other grandmother lived in the country. I remember times of enjoying the peacefulness, picking blackberries and being covered with chiggers, my grandfathers cows and on and on. Maybe this is one of the reasons I am drawn to nature. I did not have it while growing up and always longed for it and came alive when I would see my grandmother's flower gardens.

I can remember continually dreaming of green fields, trees in the woods and animals and sometimes a pond or creek.

So these dreams have been fulfilled throughout my lifetime. I am so very thankful for this.

Some more memories from this One Woman on Her Journey Through Life