I read your comments
and cannot stop the tears.
Tabor, so sorry I made you or are making you sad.
I just want to be me again and for some reason keep thinking that from now on I will be different.
I will share some of what I remember
and do not want to remember
but bits and pieces return to my mind.
I have no memory of passing out but before I did a neighbor contacted, leaving home, of an almost hour drive in an ambulance to Nashville to the best heart hospital
No memory of being prepared for the item that is now implanted on the left side by the shoulder
Told many have this
a flashback of waking up and feet and hands being tied and being hysterical I now know
this was done because of me trying to get out of bed
Remember though a fog of seeing all of my family surrounding me except my much-loved son
and a few dear friends and my special helpers,
have been told recently they thought I was on the way out.
I remember being so drugged continually and I am a person who not accustomed to this.
After several weeks being taken to one of the best rehabilitation places in Nashville and I wanted to go home. No
you are not ready to go home yet kept being told. I was truly thinking I will never get to go to my
much-loved home again.
I was not their favorite patient. But everyone was so good to me.
I was so sad as I had signed papers that much that was happening was not supposed too. My daughter told me, "mama I did not know what to do I was not ready to let you go" I told her that
is not your decision, that is God's" but told over and over if it was your time, you would have
To be continued.
maybe this shares a little of this nightmare a few weeks ago.
I am doing well
just still very weak
Keep having the thought
"Lord you did not want me and he replies
no, not yet
there is still much for you to do"
You will smile, hug, reach out in love every opportunity you have.