Morning and New Life

Up and on the computer, several times during the night also to see if special information had arrived.

Its arrival was here this early morning,
arrival on a cold night in New York.

Official that I am now a great grandmother, a boy and honored that a part of  his name is my maiden name:)

A heart full of health and happiness is wished this special granddaughter who was my first
grandchild and always held a special place in my heart.

Graham Nolen can hardly wait to physically hold you but you have been held with much love
in my heart since the first day that I was told you would be arriving.

God Bless you, my Jessica, Mathew and Graham Nolen and know you are all well loved.

at the old farm house
 years ago
Jessica and grandma....

just received.....

Decisions

My two youngest granddaughter's
two weeks ago at grandma's (ME)
will be so nice to be near them

So many checking in and asking about me
and have not been up to sharing all that is going on.

A doctor shared several years ago with just a few aches from arthritis
that I need to get use to it as it would get worse.

Oh how I disliked him and changed to someone else
now I would look at him and say "how true your words were at that time.)

Seems mobility is really bad, cane is not enough and now most of the time walker.

Always been strong and determined at everything.  A full, active, fearless life.

At the moment so many decisions and so much to do, my children helping but cannot move
in with me with their families, work and some not near.   I have some help but want my
family with me, how childish of me.

I said I would never leave this home that was built with love 9 years ago,  A dream, nothing but me and nature and little Callie.  I did everything, no help and enjoyed my life and nature, pushed and pushed, never relaxing and now there is no push left.

Now told I am so healthy but can hardly walk across the room and simplest tasks are difficult and to accept that a wheel chair may be something in the future,
I am ashamed of this body not functioning the way it has in the past, it has been taken care of well
but maybe not resting and pushing and pushing was not a good idea - but it was me.

Yesterday visited an assisted living not far from 2 of my daughter's and young granddaughter's, it is near where I use to live, familiar with the area but at the moment wonder if driving will return.
A beautiful place, but can make no mistake at this decision to be made.   This may be what I truly need as I can have some help in this home but not constant help and encouragment.

It was Heaven being with my girls.   So long story short may relocate and my heart is here
by the woods.   So much to be done, moving, reorganizing, a lot eventually being sold and passed on.

So last night and continuing this early morning I am sick.  Just everything seems over whelming
to the one who never needed help, moved quickly with confidence and seems I have lost her.

Hoping some of me returns when final decision is made,   My son who will arrive soon
and daughter's helping me.

So guess I have not been realistic thinking I could go on forever with writing, camera, gardening
and always moving quickly and able to get on my much loved mat, walk outside with little Callie.

So you age and much happens and now I pray for acceptance, thankfulness and the ability to continue onward
with Peace and joy of memories with a life well lived.

I feel as though I am disappointing everyone
but mostly myself.  So ashamed this is not cancer, lung or other disorders, it is just a body that is wearing out and normal for someone now in her 80's.   Not afraid of death, guess just the process of deterating

So honestly I have shared and hopefully soon new images to post and possibly describe a
new way of life and oh how I have enjoyed the words shared with so many I have never met.

You are all angels.