Many times I wonder is their another lifestyle out there for me in these last years.
There have been many over my last 70 plus years.
From young career woman, wife, mother, helping run an active business, divorced, healing at the old farm house, some interesting professions, then on to creating homes and gardens and my wonderful grandchildren that have come into my life along the way.
Now settled into my country cottage
Thinking this was the end.
But I still wonder.
Surrounding me are those I have very little in common with.
A phone call, a wave as I pick up my mail and they drive past me on this country road and that is about it. Many times in the past being involved in local interests that left me feeling empty and the thought that it was a waste of my time.
In this small town there have been many I had interaction with over the years, some so dear and special to me. It seems they have all passed away or now those that are left we do not have similar interest.
My interests and lifestyle is totally different and seems there is little connection with those living near me.
I do take great joy and comfort in the fact that there is a closeness with my children and grand children.
My computer of 5 years has brought me so much pleasure and kindred souls who I share with and we respond to one another.
That is something I am thankful for. At times I wonder would we feel this
closeness if we actually spent time with each other. I am of the mindset that when we write it comes from the heart and other factors enter into spending time in person.
With this being my life at the present - I still wonder is there more out there for me?
Can I recreate myself once more - at this late stage of life?
I will answer my own question - can do - if the desire and energy is there.
I also realize the mind is still very active but the body at times cannot keep up with the mind.
I smile as I remember my soninlaw making the comment over the years that
"I do not expose myself." I think that meant - did not circulate outside of my daily activities
enough.
Seems when the day begins with all it involves at this time, then it ends quickly
and much I plan and think about does not happen.
When making a trip to town I cannot wait to return home and
when home the thought often surfaces that I need to get out more.
Bottom line I am at Peace when I walk around with Miss Callie with hoe in hand
or sit in my old rocker with camera in hand waiting for a new bird to appear
or spot a new flower blooming.
Peace is something I did not have for most of my life and it it wonderful to now have it.
Maybe I have it all or had it all and do not realize it?
Does any of this make sense
to some of those who read my rambling?
12 comments:
This makes lots of sense and those of us who are retired and can do most of what we wish often feel guilty that we don't do more. But then find the more is not something we really like. My only advice is to continue thinking about it and if something occurs, go ahead and dip your feet in the water of the idea, and if the water is too cold don't hesitate returning to your porch and sit! I think we feel guilty because we really do now have some wisdom and we think we should be smarter in parceling out our time. The most important bottom line is, of course, those we love!
Tabor, thank you for commenting and understanding :) have a good day - is is beautiful here in the Northern part of Tennessee....
Yes, your post makes sense.
We live in a heavily populated area and home is peaceful to me, even though it is on a busy 5 lane road, and there are things going on all around us that bother us. If we ever got the opportunity to move somewhere quiet and away from it all we would. For now, we are learning contentment where we are, and are thankful for our many blessings.
Have another lovely, peaceful day there where you are.
Love and hugs ~ FLowerLady Lorraine
Oh my, so many times since we have been friends, Ernestine, you have written words that felt like they could have come from my soul, if only I had the wherewithall to write them as well. This post truly echoes a series of feelings that have been welling in me and threatening to emerge for a long time. Although, I am working full-time, I do very little, other than several-times-a month family visits, and very happily closing the door on my little place at the end of the day. Unlike you, I am not, and never have, that my apartment is "home." I defintely feel I should be more social - to take part in more things, but when I dare to venture out, I feel like jumping out of my skin. Thus, I find myself trying to be happy where I am planted. In the past, as you did, I was involved in many things. I do have to mind the fact that I am tired at the end of the day and don't have the energy I once did.
I look forward to reading other comments on this subject.Thank you, for touching my soul with your words.
Marcia, thank you for commenting.
While writing this morning I kept thinking "does this make sense?"
Makes me smile that you feel the same way also. Wish you lived near.
Lorraine, another thank you goes out to you.
Guess I am not alone with these thoughts...
There are always questions, but as Rilke said, "Love the questions themselves".
I'm curious to hear more about what you discover. I do know this. Whether you are at home or elsewhere, you are growing.
No one is ever too old to grow.
Kaveri, always you bless me :)
Wished we lived near one another.
I loved this, that you expressed your thoughts so well. Since I have a fear of leaving home, I'm perfectly content to be busy on the farm, and although I'm past 70, I still work every day and feel blessed to be able to do so. Travel and social gatherings are out of the question for me, so I stay active with my quilting and I love learning new things. In fact, I'm wondering, I'm I too old to learn to knit?
Charlotte, I relate to much you share and if you want to learn to knit - do it.
I have always wanted to knit, quilt, paint and a few other things. But I have difficulty sitting still and so much to do maintaining myself, home and outside that there is no time.
Winter and rainy days some time
I am neglecting my reading at this time. Books stacked everywhere..
Thank you for visiting me.
There is peace and absolute joy facing each morning knowing there are things we need to do and once they are done we have time to read or indulge in whatever we find pleasurable. Settled for me still includes the never-ending list. Gratitude in that we are still capable of checking off a list. Now it’s not hectic, now we can pace ourselves. Now we can balance our choices instead of juggling. This is the best time for reflection and questions. The problem may be we were all extremely busy women. It’s hard to porch sit and not eventually feel that nagging pull we are neglecting something. We probably are neglecting something. Accepting that it’s o.k. to take care of “it” later takes some work. Your question made perfect sense.
Lynn, this early morning I read your comment. Thank you. I checked in on your blog - your profile sounds much like me :)
From across the pond I understand how you feel. There is the guilt feeling when I spend time 'playing' on my iPad or laptop when there is ironing or domestic chores to do. Even my precious knitting can be neglected.
Another guilt trap has been my lack of inclination to socialise or to entertain, I am quite happy with my dear husband's company, if he is out I am happy to be alone but am never lonely.
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