Sharing Some of Nightmare

I read your comments
and cannot stop the tears.

Tabor, so sorry I made you or are making you sad.
I just want to be me again and for some reason keep thinking that from now on I will be different.

Maybe
soon
I will share some of what I remember
and do not want to remember
but bits and pieces return to my mind.

I have no memory of passing out but before I did a neighbor contacted,  leaving home, of an almost hour drive in an ambulance to Nashville to the best heart hospital
No memory of being prepared for the item that is now implanted on the left side by the shoulder
Told many have this

a flashback of waking up and feet and hands being tied and being hysterical    I now know
this was done because of me trying to get out of bed

Remember though a fog of seeing all of my family surrounding me except my much-loved son
and a few dear friends and my special helpers,
have been told recently they thought I was on the way out.

I remember being so drugged continually and I am a person who not accustomed to this.

After several weeks being taken to one of the best rehabilitation places in Nashville and I wanted to go home.  No
you are not ready to go home yet kept being told.  I was truly thinking I will never get to go to my
much-loved home again.

 I was not their favorite patient.   But everyone was so good to me.
I was so sad as I had signed papers that much that was happening was not supposed too.   My daughter told me, "mama I did not know what to do I was not ready to let you go"  I told her that
is not your decision, that is God's"     but told over and over if it was your time, you would have
gone anyway

To be continued.

maybe this shares a little of this nightmare a few weeks ago.

I am doing well
just still very weak

Keep having the thought
"Lord you did not want me and he replies
no, not yet
there is still much for you to do"

You will smile, hug, reach out in love every opportunity you have.

Continuing Onward

Orchid from Jessica and Gavin, (grandchildren)
arrived in a tall box from online.  White, put in my bedroom for now, who knows maybe it will like there instead of with others and that table is full.    Has blooms and 2 buds.

Wish the rain would stop, the ground is saturated.

So I continue onward

A transition in effect

I will never be the same

It seems as though I have lost a part of me

Guess another realm
did not want me yet
and I was truly ready to go

Wish brain fog would go away

They will start soon
exercise people and 3 more weekly
to help strengthen me

So doing well I am told
but always the quick one
wish it was quicker.

Many stories to share as time goes go.

He has returned
wish I could take credit for an image
but my special assistant captured this
yesterday.

From Me

A quick post
trying to relearn computer with brain fog.

A long way to go
and to think the healthy one  suddenly developed a heart emergency
and almost wish they had let me be,
Told that if it was my time I would have not survived the surgery,

So home now 4 days, precious home and I will do all I can do to heal and gain 10 lbs lost.

Special son arriving in a few weeks.

Very emotional
happy one moment
and the next weeping

You are all dear to me, and we have never met.
Thank you for your prayers

Flowers on header
arrived from my son.

Plus visits from many and 4 Valentine boxes of candy.

Now
a new life begins Now

a transition for the busy one

and I will
I will and have to accept.

Update On My Mom

A spring picture from one of my mom's beautiful gardens.

Hello everyone! This is Ernestine's youngest, daughter, Jamie. I wanted to update you and let you know she is OK, however she has been through quite a frightening ordeal and is at a rehabilitation center in Nashville close to my sister and I.

She did have oral surgery on the 18th. She was not feeling well at all that weekend and a neighbor checked on her very early in the morning that Sunday the 20th. A nurse also checked in on her that morning. My sister went up that Sunday afternoon and my mother's heart rate was alarmingly low and her blood pressure was dangerously high.

I'm sure she will fill you all in on everything but she ended up having pacemaker surgery here in Nashville. She's in rehab now and it is getting stronger every day although I know she is very ready to get back home. She has a follow up appointment with her surgeon this Wednesday.

I know she is starting to feel better because she has asked me to please update her blog!

Thank you so much for your friendship to her. She enjoys checking in with everyone so much and sharing her photography. Many thanks again!

Jamie