Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Another day - Not many more like these and fall....

New place in Nashville
the best Fish Taco
and since I cannot eat spicy food they chopped just an avocado for me.
Mama's treat for his birthday.
Jamie was able to leave work for an hour.
I want to return again when once again no one near..
These weekly outings so good for me
and will soon miss.

Arriving home
made a quick turn
and fell on the floor on my side, hitting side of head.
I am fine, slight headache but it frightened me to the core,
happy I was not alone as Jimmy coming in from garage and I called for him and he helped me up,
When you have had a lifetime of busyness,
and now balance is really bad, I was not carrying cane and sometimes do not in this cottage as I feel confident within these walls,
 continually being told to  slow down in every way and RN daughter tells me to use the walker and I am not ready to do this and use at night if unsteady getting out of bed,
it is difficult and I am trying....I must be a slow learner.

I see my spirit as I look at recent pictures with some of my children, a happy and peaceful spirit that is shining through my eyes when family is with me
but in reality not the physical me.
Some of family see these images and think "she is fine" but really not - am I making sense.
My body does not feel the best, balance and falls frighten me and I think during this night
I must be two people - my spirit inside and the real body and mind at this time of life.

Morning, will go and have hair washed, have never done this during my lifetime  always cut my hair
now because of rotator torn in  both shoulders from falls cannot lift arms to do this,
I do not like having this done, want to do it myself - like past years.
So I share reality
forgive me.

I read
you lose what you cling too.

So maybe I am not facing reality and longing for the past....

11 comments:

FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Oh dear Ernestine ~ I am so sorry you had a scary fall! I have to tell myself to slow down too, and catch myself from losing my balance. Our minds still feel like we can do anything, but in reality, we can't.

Glad you had a good time with family.

Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady

Rebecca said...

You make TOTAL sense....
AND you give me understanding about much of what I'm seeing in my father who has come to live with us.
Your ability to verbalize SOME of the inner and outer realities you describe are extremely insightful and not lost on me.
Thankful you did not injure yourself more severely during this fall.
Open yourself to your son's wisdom and advice.

Tabor said...

These changes are harder for you as you have been tremendously independent your whole life. You cut your own hair! Farming, gardening, all that terrific cooking. But that time does come when our bodies remind us of our age. I am so sorry about your frightening fall. I am sure you were not being careless and moving too fast. It is what it is. I do think when you are alone you need to always use a cane or walker. How great that you are in such good humor and health at the time your son visits. He is learning of your challenges and I am sure your children are worried about you living alone now. Be flexible with their ideas and suggestions and be willing to compromise.

Marcie said...

I have loved the photos and stories of your son's visit and your time with family. So sorry that it comes with a "reality check" as you experience difficulties with balance and full mobility. Your spirit, though, that is a really important aspect of who you are. I see it shine through in the pictures too. For a "do-er" it is hard sometimes to realize that we are not just what we get done, but who we are and how we inspire and influence. You are a very positive and meaningful inspiration to me, and I am sure to others who read here as well. Will continue to send love and good energy your way!

Carolyn Marie said...

You are a courageous, inspiring and strong woman. I admire you so much! It is hard to give up things we have always done. You are an example of how to do it with grace.

lil red hen said...

HUGS !!!! I'm thinking of you!

Judy said...

Of course you "look" like everything is just fine. We don't want others to worry about us, so we smile with our eyes and our faces. When we are alone--at least for me, I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and my eyes look tired and puffy and my face has dropped. It's from the pain and the fear of being all alone.
In public, especially around our children, we radiate, smile, stand tall and walk steady. At home, alone, we sigh and frown from the pain and droop.
Sorry for the fall. Glad Jimmy was there, but sorry your "I'm fine" facade was witnessed. Now he will tell the other kids and they will all worry.

Marcia Morse said...

Your spirit is beautiful, radiant and so inspiring.....what a great visit, and it must feel so good to have so much accomplished and in place. I can't help but feel, the fall was timed with Jimmy there. Glad you were not alone. I am recovering from a severe concussion obtained in a fall Feb 26. I was hiking with LM, Teddy and my DIL and tripped on a stump and down I went hitting my head on a rock and it bounced twice. Even with everyone there, the fall couldn't be stopped. I do not think it was balance, but I am keenly aware that I have to be so careful....wondering if you had sneakers on when you fell. I find that they still to surfaces and when you might go to turn or move quickly, they do not pivot easily. They especially seem to grip on rugs and have caused me to fall.
Those fish tacos looked amazing. YUM!!!
Thinking of you often.

Wisewebwoman said...

Your spirit is the only important thing. Not the package in which it is encased. I am inspired by you as I too struggle with the inner and outer self and get angry at my new physical challenges. I've always raced into life and slowing down us difficult to remember for me. And reminder notes and putting on my "brave face".

Much love and mind yourself.

XO
WWW

Pienosole said...

Good Morning. So many kind, supportive comments. Sending you smiles and hugs and wishing you a positive day. :-) :-) :-)

My Journey To Mindfulness said...

thanks to each of you for your kind and encouraging words.