It continues to rain daily in my area
ground saturated and so muddy
for this one to be outside and cleaning garden.
Humming birds are still visiting the feeders daily.
My granddaughter spotted them at the feeder from
my bedroom window and made the comment
"they sure are fat." I smile as I share they are
eating a lot in preparation for the long journey.
Some hang around a long time
I noticed in the past.
Seeing - Rufus and Red throated at the feeders.
I was going to have some outside help with her visit
and even several projects inside but it never happened
just enjoyed talking and listen to her.
She is so wise for one so young and I smile when she
said "grandma you do not seem like your age"
and I replied that's the number but not my spirit...
White Chocolate Cake is going to be baked to go along
with a carrot cake for family visit this weekend.
Daughter arriving in hours from Tampa :)
so happy to have her with me....
Continually writing down words that speak to me
and most of the time do not note where they came from.
Reading some books on aging to see if I am different
from many - same in some ways and different in many.
The spirit and the flesh are certainly different when it comes
to this one "the spirit seems to think it can do anything and still makes long lists
but the body cannot do some on this list." I have thoughts lately of what else
could I do to this cottage that I would enjoy.
I truly thought in this simpler home
I would never have thoughts of doing anything more
then gardening, reading, writing and enjoying all nature has to offer.
This mind seldom slows down.
A long time ago
someone shared with me that when they had thoughts like
this - it bothered them when they could not do them.
I am not like that
as I can plan it all in my mind
and this is what I enjoy
it does not have to materilize....
With a creative past it starts dreaming - goes like this - I could glass in the screen porch
with big windows that can be opened in the summer so I can enjoy it in the Winter.
Also, I could enclose part of the deck - make a sun room with a small wood burning stove
(but I truly cannot handle the wood anymore like I did in the past.)
So many plants and here I am trying to have less and it will soon look like the woods inside this
home. Thoughts continue, I should have made the
garage bigger instead of for one car - but then cottage would have been bigger because of room
upstairs and did not want more room - the goal was something small. Thought of building small outbuilding for garden items
and truck which I do not like sitting out in bad weather - but every one's vehicle sits outside
in the rural area and it truly does not matter at this time of life "but I love my truck :) Then the long gravel drive - all of those bigger homes through the years had concrete or blacktop
but this drive is 4 or 5 times longer. Would be nice for when I walk so I do not stumble on a big rock
or hole in the grass beside it. Really budget should not do any of these things - need to watch
everything in case I live a long time and need more help with just day to day simple things. Stupid thought - if I get that bad
I do not need to be here. Family busy and I do not need to be a burden.
I am ready to go - at peace - but still want to be here a while to see how my granchildrens
lives develop - they are all so smart - these are this grandma's thoughts.
Guess little by little I will continue to clean the woods around me. Cut down anything I can and open up
more space where I can see activity in the woods. Put up more bird feeders and as I separate
perennials put them in the woods.
It is very apparent
I am becoming different
but remain the same
in so many ways.