Friday, October 10, 2014

A New Chapter Is Beginning

It continues to rain daily in my area
ground saturated and so muddy
for this one to be outside and cleaning garden.

Humming birds are still visiting the feeders daily.
My granddaughter spotted them at the feeder from
my bedroom window and made the comment
"they sure are fat."   I smile as I share they are
eating a lot in preparation for the long journey.

Some hang around a long time
I noticed in the past.
Seeing - Rufus and Red throated at the feeders.

I was going to have some outside help with her visit
and even several projects inside but it never happened
just enjoyed talking and listen to her.
She is so wise for one so young and I smile when she
said "grandma you do not seem like your age"
and I replied that's the number but not my spirit...

White Chocolate Cake is going to be baked to go along
with a carrot cake for family visit this weekend.
Daughter arriving in hours from Tampa :)
so happy to have her with me....

Continually writing down words that speak to me
and most of the time do not note where they came from.
Reading some books on aging to see if I am different
from many - same in some ways and different in many.

The spirit and the flesh are certainly different when it comes
to this one "the spirit seems to think it can do anything and still makes long lists
but the body cannot do some on this list."    I have thoughts lately of what else
could I do to this cottage that I would enjoy.
I truly thought in this simpler home
I would never have thoughts of doing anything more
then gardening, reading, writing and enjoying all nature has to offer.

This mind seldom slows down.
A long time ago
someone shared with me that when they had thoughts like
this - it bothered them when they could not do them.

Well
I am not like that
as I can plan it all in my mind
and this is what I enjoy
it does not have to materilize....

With a creative past it starts dreaming - goes like this - I could glass in the screen porch
with big windows that can be opened in the summer so I can enjoy it in the Winter.
Also, I could enclose part of the deck - make a sun room with a small wood burning stove
(but I truly cannot handle the wood anymore like I did in the past.)
So many plants and here I am trying to have less and it will soon look like the woods inside this
home.      Thoughts continue, I should have made the
garage bigger instead of for one car - but then cottage would have been bigger because of room
upstairs and did not want more room - the goal was something small.    Thought of building small outbuilding for garden items
and truck which I do not like sitting out in bad weather - but every one's vehicle sits outside
in the rural area and it truly does not matter at this time of life "but I love my truck :)  Then the long gravel drive -  all of those bigger homes through the years had concrete or blacktop
but this drive is 4 or 5 times longer.  Would be nice for when I walk so I do not stumble on a big rock
or hole in the grass beside it.   Really budget should not do any of these things - need to watch
everything in case I live a long time and need more help with just day to day simple things.  Stupid thought - if I get that bad
I do not need to be here.   Family busy and I do not need to be a burden.
I am ready to go - at peace - but still want to be here a while to see how my granchildrens
lives develop - they are all so smart - these are this grandma's thoughts.
.
Guess little by little I will continue to clean the woods around me.  Cut down anything I can and open up
more space where I can see activity in the woods.  Put up more bird feeders and as I separate
perennials put them in the woods.

It is very apparent
I am becoming different
but remain the same
in so many ways.

13 comments:

lil red hen said...

I enjoyed reading this, Ernestine. We have many of the same thoughts. There are things I would like to have done around this house, but all energy goes to farm buildings, etc.

I also have the same peace.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

I knew it
you and me
similar :)

PatK said...

The change from summer to fall creates within us a season of reflection about change I think. I realize the changes in me, stiffness particularly, won't cycle back to 'Spring' but at the same time internally our spirit does go on and grow. Mine does inspired very much by your thoughtful reflections about your present moment and your loved ones' blossoming.

Emmy Abrahams said...

Although on the other side of the. Country, and with fall arriving very slowly, and awaiting the first good rain, our thoughts are often the same .
The shorter days remind me of my own as I reach 81, with the usual aches and pains. And inability to do everything I did.
But as you write, the joys of seeing the grandchildren grow up, and the children mature into
competent adults, makes up for any discomfit.

Balisha said...

Hello Ernestine,
I find so many things are the same with me. I make lists with grand plans....I think it's a way of putting things down on paper and then rereading that list and changing things so they are doable for me.
I'm starting to accept things as they are...as I am sure you are doing. A few things a day and everything gets done.

Patience is so important at our age, but so are plans for the future. That's the secret of growing older and being happy....always looking ahead. That's the beauty of gardening with the seasons...looking ahead. Why else would we plant bulbs at this time of the year? Something to look forward to.

Enjoy your time with your daughter...and as to your little grand daughter....she will remember her talks with you.....the fact that you took time with her instead of doing some chores together...will mean so much more as she grows up. I have a little book "Grandma's Always Have Time." a gift from my grand kids....love it.
Balisha

sandra hagan said...

Beautiful honesty is hard to beat.
Keeping occupied is good.
Your attitude is amazingly sturdy!

Barb said...

I liked reading your musings. I also enjoy that you can dream without needing to see fruition. I think that's a creative gift. I believe one always needs goals - so life doesn't become a meaningless drudge. As with you, family ties me with love to life.

Pienosole said...

Thank you, as always, for sharing.
Happy Sunday!

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Emmy, PatK, Balisha, Sandy, Barb and Pienosole,
thank you for your special words..

Judy said...

You remind me of me, when it comes to the thinking department. But--isn't it good to think about "wouldn't this be fun to do", or "I'm going to plant that flower next year." It keeps our minds young and looking forward.

Tabor said...

Plans are important even if we never do them. Sometimes they can become smaller in size and get done. I have many similar thoughts as you do. I hate having to cut down on things that I do, but it is inevitable as we age to respect our limitations.

Sallysmom said...

I have so wanted to close in my patio so we could sit out in the winter. I thought if we had a plugin then could just use a small electric heater. Oh well, like you just trying to be wise with finances in case of long life. Love how you describe your wonderful home.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Tabor, you are too young to cut back :) Sallysmom, :)