She Can Breathe

This post was written about a year ago - So much accomplished this past year.

She had forgotten that the final move into this cottage was one year ago.

Spring arrived and gardens were planted.

An exciting and very busy year.

She will have to say that it has been her happiest year in these last years.

So, One Woman - slow down, rest this winter and enjoy your dream.

Dream of what will emerge in the garden next Spring.

Woodhaven - December 2009

She was up at 5:00 in the early morning and picked up her helper at 7:00. Traffic was really bad at that particular time. They arrived at 8:00 in the city and immediately started packing dishes and all that could go in boxes, bags and in her car - as fast as they could.

Movers arrived at 9:00. Oh my- what a long day. She had the thought that this move would only take a few hours. Well she was wrong. She is not usually wrong!!! There were a number of really big pieces of furniture. They had been moved from home to home over the years and hopefully they will stay put until her children decide what to do with them.

Everything on truck and the moving men and she were headed down the road. When she finally came to the country road, she looked at her helper and said "I can finally breathe".

When the truck was being unloaded - she asked the driver "what do you think of my country home" - and his reply was "here you can breathe".

All went well and the movers did not leave the country until 5:00 pm.

So, One Woman is happy, peaceful and very very tired. Her bed felt like Heaven last night.

She was up at 4:00 this morning just to check on Callie. Her helper has an item on screen porch she is picking up today and she wanted to make sure Miss Callie was not "chewing on it".

All was fine and so she began to look in boxes, bags, garage and started hanging a few pictures.

She is not very disciplined with herself.

I will close as I am weary - but - at last this home is me. Sleeping on a mattress, eating at a card table, nothing on the walls or mirrors in the bathroom is not me. - 5 months was enough of that.

So, now I truly feel I am home . All the old, scarred furnishings that were bought years ago for another lifetime, the items that were my mother's and grandmother are lovingly in their new home in the country.

I can dwell in this home as if it were a heart.

When I feel that pulse I know that all that comes to me will also go. Living in this stream I understand You are my life blood. Let me feel You course through me, through this door, throughout my life.

Words in part from "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris

A book that was received today as a gift from a special friend

Today

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could,
Tomorrow is a new day;
Begin it well and serenely and
With too high a spirit to be
Encumbered with your nonsense

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Winter Thought

The very cold weather continues
After lunch yesterday
The sun was so warm on the deck
Did not sit on the deck
But in front of the large window
The sun was wonderful
My thought to read
But - just closed my eyes
Enjoyed the warmth of the sun


What fire could ever equal the sunshine of a winter's day.
The warmth comes directly from the sun, and is not radiated from the earth; as in the summer, and when we feel his beams on our backs as we are treading some snowy dell, we are grateful

as for a special kindness, and bless the sun which has followed us into the by-place.

From ..... Walking...... by Henry David Thoreau

Clocks

Clocks - how many do you have in your life?

In this cottage - let us see --- One on the stove, microwave, computer, on the walls, and sitting on various tables.

The last move - my son would drive me to the country with special items. On several trips I would hold the clocks that have such personal meaning to me (my mother's and grandmother's) in my lap and beside me.

So---my grandmother's clock, two of my mother's, grandmother floor clock that chimes, clock on library table, and a tiny travel clock that was purchased in Jamaica 45 years ago, is on my nightstand.

Oh, an old school clock that I still have not found a place to hang and another special wall clock that chimes - if it is working - it is waiting for me to find a clock repair man.

Difficult to find someone that works on clocks. For years I was very fortunate as my stepfather loved working on clocks and kept mine in good running order.

That is a lot of clocks. I like them all and hardly hear them ticking away. I find them comforting. A reminder of times long ago. Sometimes in the night the thought arises that I do not hear the clocks . Just so accustomed to them, they are already at home in the woods, and I am hardly aware of them

I have them spaced so they all do not chime at once. Some chime on the hour, some every 15 minutes. Some just tick and do not chime. They are all different.

When one of my daughter's make a visit, she tells me she cannot sleep with all the clocks chiming. I just tell her to use earplugs "I hardly hear them."

I can remember many years ago, when my oldest granddaughter stayed with me for a short time while her parents went on a trip. She was about 18 months old, slept in my bedroom and would say to me
"grandma your clocks go tick tock all night."

Thoughts arise - who will love these clocks like One Woman? Maybe a grandchild will enjoy their sound.


To think
she is having thoughts
of not
wearing a watch
on her wrist
so she
does not plan
just
lets her spirit
guide her time ....

Undisciplined - Obsession - Addict

This morning as I type away it is snowing big beautiful flakes and 18 degrees on my deck.

Also, this was another morning of not being able to access what I now deem important in my life - my computer.

I almost had a panic attack.

Computer was back running yesterday after 96 hours of being gone from my world.

Now - I am trying to figure this out.

I have led a super busy life.

Moved back to the country, built a small cottage at the edge of the woods to fulfill my dream of simplicity, gardening, photography, reading, to practice mindfulness, and at times be able to just sit and be.

In my cottage - now 1 year. All has fallen neatly in place. My city home sold last June and I am so very thankful for this miracle in view of what is going on in the world.

I have begun daily to look forward to comments (on what I share) regarding what is going on in my world and on my mind.

There are blogs I read daily and leave a comment. Some I read and do not comment.

I would start naming those who correspond regularly and have become so special - but fear I might leave someone out.

I read the news and the weather.

My children email me on and off during the day instead of using the telephone. I did 98% of my downscaled Christmas shopping online. Any question is immediately answered online.

Such joy is found in downloading an image that was just taken. If it is good, I smile and it is like I have been given a gift.

Confession - for 96 hours I looked at my computer and willed it to come back on :) I wept, walked the floors and was really "sad"

It was ever present on my mind that I moved far away from "help" - from family. But this is where I want to be unless something happens that I cannot live in this world by the woods.

Thoughts - those who have become special to me online - do not know it - do not know how to contact me - I do not know how to contact them - if I enter their mind - some might wonder why I am not writing, they may think I am sick, died or whatever.

Thoughts - what would I do if I did not have a computer in my life at this time - this is a ridiculous statement. I only entered the computer world about 6 years ago. I seemed to be fine without a computer. Answer - I was busy with worldly projects that do not exist at this time.

So - maybe I am not a good computer person. It is evident I have become to attached to this machine that sits on my desk, in front of a window that has a beautiful view of the woods.

Am I - undisciplined, obsessed with this machine and an addict? It seems sometimes I hear it calling for me :)

Some rambling and sharing from One Woman who lives at the edge of the woods and is still trying in her last years to figure out life ........

Computer

Computer shut down

Comments

Maybe it is in sleep mode

Holiday visit in 3 weeks

Look at it then....

Could you bring to the big city

Not up to it

I use to live not far away

My Beth

Took pity upon mother

Came to check it out

Plug was off

Current was off recently

All she knows is

It was missed

So very much

She almost began to grieve

Did not realize to the extent

It brings her smiles, encouragement

Friends, writing and camera time

Her friend is back working

One Woman needs her

Family, meditation, gardening, books, and camera time

Welcome back my computer.

Morning Smile

A lot going on in the Woods

One Woman's mind needs to slow down

Grandma needed this reminder

What is really important

A five year old

Full of excitement about life


Live with intention
Walk to the edge
Listen hard
Practice wellness
Play with abandon
Laugh
Choose with no regret
Appreciate your friends
Continue to learn
Do what you love
Live as if this is all there is

~Mary Anne Radmacher~