Books by the old Leather Chair

  • Snow In The Summer
  • My Bible
  • The Power of Silence
  • What Comes Next and to Like It
  • Encore Provence
  • A Year in Provence

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Thank You

Thank you
to the many who write and say they miss me.

A difficult 3 weeks
a lot of pain physically.
What has bothered me the most is emotional pain.
Family in touch by email, phone calls and all lead busy lives.
So aware I lead an isolated life and everything done in the past
in the outside world was burned out on.

So at this moment pain is almost gone, balance off some.
Having difficulty accepting that all this busy woman
has been doing for years has to slow down.
Thought I was doing a good job
but guess not.

Busyness has been a way of life for me over my lifetime and it has to stop.
Four years ago I moved to my dream of my peaceful surroundings,
taking care of a smaller home,
gardening, camera in hand and my computer.

So much has been planted and loved every minute of it.
At the moment everywhere I look weeds are over taking and
can no longer walk the paths in my woods
Trying to look with different eyes and at the moment difficult,
everything taking 3 times as long to do just for taking care of myself
and inside of this small cottage.

Trying to think clear and guess I will have to accept an even simpler lifestyle.
It probably should have started earlier then these late 70  years but really thought
I had done good.

Everyone that has ever made a visit has always commented about me doing much
of what I do to maintain my surroundings.  Is almost impossible to find outside help.

Much of this I have shared before and so sorry for this
but so many who comment are far away friends and I do not need to just disappear.

So I continued heal my body, mind, emotions and what I desire most
is not available to me.

Trying to think clearly of my days left on this planet and not doing to good at the moment.

You are all so good, kind with your special comments
 and I thank you.

On the many paths I have traveled through different lifestyles
I have always bounced back.
May again
but need to look at everything with different eyes and guess everything
seems overwhelming at the moment
and I do not like that word
but honesty has always been a part of my sharing.


Sharon said...

Oh, Ernestine, you have been on my mind. I was away last week and yesterday at the top of my to-do list was to visit my 80 year-old friend in town who has had serious health issues this summer - two weeks in the hospital and three weeks in a rehab facility. She has been home for a few weeks and is doing so much better, thank goodness. Yesterday I was there when the physical therapist made her last visit [because Ruby is doing so much better]. The PT said when you have been ill you should allow three times as long as you've been ill to feel back to normal. Healing takes time. Don't give up. Rest, eat well, and give yourself time to recover. That's the physical part ~ mentally give yourself time, too, to adjust to doing things more slowly. My friend Ruby has always done all the things you do, Ernestine, and she is finding it hard to slow down as well. You are in good company. Please know that you are not alone. Sending a big hug ~

Tabor said...

You are an over-achiever personality. But you also are a very wise person, because you realize adjustment and change are inevitable as we age. Perhaps you need a live-in or live-nearby helper. You have gotten almost 5 lovely years out of this lifestyle, so do not think you should not have done it!! You will accept change gracefully whatever it is. I am so, so , so very sorry to read about your pain. That can cloud your mind and judgement and depress you so easily. I have been there and I was surprised at how quickly I fell low when I was such an upbeat person and could not moderate the pain. Please be patient, talk to your doctor, lean on your friends and keep all of us bloggers up to date. We do send our love and sprinkles of starshine!

Pienosole said...

I appreciate your honesty. Clearly, this is a challenging time. May you find some peace and relaxation in knowing that many are sending you positive thoughts and good wishes. Hope you feel better soon.

lil red hen said...

Hugs to you, Ernestine...wish I could clear the woods path for you and do other chores you're unable to do right now. Take care...we love you.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Dear, dear Ernestine, I am so sorry to hear you have been feeling so low, and agree with Tabors words about how our emotions become very off-balance when we are not feeling well physically. You've taken such good care of yourself and it feels to me like you will bounce back after having this rest time. Maybe it will not be the way you would like, but your wonderful spirit will carry you through what must be.
Wish I were there to help.
Sending you lots of peaceful and happy thoughts from Cape Cod on a perfect day.

Beverly said...

My dear Ernestine, I am thankful you are on the mend. As I used to tell the parents of the sick babies that I took care of, "sometimes staying the same is an improvement"..... I know that may not make sense to you, but, what I mean is that you are not going backward. Allow yourself to stay the same for awhile....allow your body to get stronger. As everyone has said, your emotions, mind, attitude are affected by pain. I always believed that the only thing constant is change. We all have to go through changes in our life, and I think it is normal to fight some of those changes. I do want to feel better mentally. I am willing to bet your son can give you some wise words to help you cope with all these changes..... We all love you. Even from way over here in West Tennessee!!!!

Mary @ Colony Mountain Folk Art Dolls said...

Here it is the best time of the year (my opinion) so you must get to feeling better soon. As I said over the way, if I could I would stop by and we could make good use of your wonderful fire dogs over an open fire!

Judy said...

I agree and I hate this aging process too. I had to do nothing for four years and now, I am trying to make up for it all in one summer. It just isn't working! The emotional part is the worse--but being in pain all the time, causes great emotional fear and sadness. I say, just keep going as best as you can--perhaps scaling back a bit in the woods--maybe have to turn some gardens back into lawn, but at least, you will still have your quietness. You will know when the time is right to move closer to the conveniences of doctor's and stores--but not right now. Winter will be a good time of rest for you and then in the spring--you probably will feel renewed. Love you--

Sky said...

I know it has been your habit to isolate yourself in your woods, but I also know you have friends in the area where you have spent so many years. Now sounds like a good time to let them in a bit more. I hope you will let them know when you need something - like a trip to the market or someone to pick up something for you when you don't feel like going out. When balance is an issue having someone along can help us feel safer. Having someone unload our cars can be a true help, so there have been times when I've made sure someone would be able to do that before I went out. A quick cell phone call en route home organized the rendez-vous. Someone to share an hour or so with us can divert our attention from our vulnerability when we find our bodies not working quite so well. Attention from self to others gives our weary minds a break from our worries and provides a variety of stimulation. I hope you will open your door to friends and aquaintances who live in your general area during this transitional time.

In terms of hired help - the biggest challenge I have had to adjust to is accepting that NO ONE will do things exactly like I would, but with my direction they are doing an adequate job and much MORE than I can do, so I have learned to be grateful. Sending love and good wishes always.

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Sharon, Tabor, Pienosole, Charlotte, Mary, Judy, Sky, Beverly, Marcia, thanks to each of you for your special words.
Going forward, doing most of what I have always done but a little less and slower. It is a beautiful time of year and hope none of you fall in the future. Pain is difficult for most of us to handle but at the moment it is 50% less.

Sky said...

sooo glad to hear the pain has lessened! yes, falls can be horrid. i had one that resulted in a broken foot and another that did vascular damage to my leg. would like to stay vertical!

Laura said...

as Sylvia Boorstein teaches all the time, "You couldn't be better. If you could, you would." And that is how it is for all of us, doing the best we can in each moment, not the best we WISH we could be doing, remember from the past or fantasize into the future, but our very best right now. YOU are good. That doesn't mean this isn't hard or frustrating, change often is... still you ARE GOOD and you couldn't be better!

love you

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Dear Laura, thank you and sending healing prayers to you...