Thursday, July 30, 2009

Thoughts

She is on the way to the city. Taking the winding back roads in the misty rain. It has rained daily for weeks and her country home looks like it is sitting at the edge of a rain forest. There is so much mud and she hopes that soon the rain will end. Her peaceful drive is interrupted as a light appears on the dash of her car. Tension, whenever something arises that she is not knowledgeable about. Also she is aware that she is on an isolated road.

She repeats positive affirmations on her continued drive to the city. She has postponed a doctors appointment 3 times because of not wanting to "go" and hoping it would go away. She also wanted to have tooth problem out of the way.

The tooth problem turned out to be a breeze. Her first tooth pulled and she experienced no pain.

She was pleased when surgeon made the comment that she had made the correct decision on pulling instead of root canal, as it was cracked all the way through.

The doctor's appointment is for blood work. She knows it is "Arthur" but wonders why it is extremely painful at night and she is having severe cramps in the calf of her leg. She thinks it might be a deficiency in her diet. Anyway she is on the way for that appointment. She does not like going to the doctor. Has thoughts of maybe never going again.

She stopped at the car shop not far from her city home for computer to be connected to car. She is told the car will not "stop", but come back after doctor's appointment.

The desire of her heart was to continue from doctor appointment to the country.

So much is being accomplished in the country. A young helper who is strong and willing but she has to work with him - is helping her clear the "forest" behind her cottage. Just clearing about 30 feet back of home so the tree's can stretch their arms and breath. She smiles as she views the 5 large piles of brush that will be burned at the right time. They have made progress.

Much of the work her helper is doing was work she would do - a few years ago - but she can no longer do it.

She is beginning to see the many types of birds flying from tree to tree.

She continues to live in two worlds. She has thoughts she cannot put into words. The words will come.

She is so aware that it has only been weeks that she started spending nights in the country, the home was created in 6 months and so very much has been accomplished. The few visitors comment that they cannot believe the difference in her surrounding area. She has a fault - always in a hurry. But then she is very aware that she is traveling her last years.

She read once that however high is your high will be your low. She wonders "why make this comment" when she is in many ways happier and more at peace then ever in her lifetime.

It seems such a contradiction.


So One Woman has been flying high and guess she is leveling out.

Thank you dear friends for continuing to check on me.

Soon I will have my computer in the country and can begin to post images once again.

One Woman entry as she continues on her Journey Through These Last Years

Monday, July 27, 2009

Quick Update

I am in the city this morning. Have a dental appointment to have a tooth pulled. First time experience for me. Hopefully all goes well and I can return to the country after this procedure
I have all teeth - even wisdom teeth. 3 crowns and several fillings. Do not like that I have to have this done. Have been to several specialist. Cracked a tooth - so onward I go..
I am experiencing extreme arthritis at night. Do not like this. It is either the work I am doing or old age!!!

Picked 10 squash out of my small city garden. In the country - friends have supplied me with 10 dozen ears of corn, squash and green beans to put in my new small freezer. My flowers in the city are spectacular. If a flower garden will sell a home - then this home is gone.

The deer and birds that would scatter when I walked outside are now paying no attention to me.
Do hummingbirds attack? Yesterday as I approached my beginning garden and their feeder - they were buzzing around my head. Unsettled this One Woman.

I continue to clean garden area, plant seed, view the spectacular sunsets and sit still and stay busy.

Such a difference when I come to my city home. This home has so many fine details and the country cottage built so simply. I see the difference when I walk in this home. I like the sparseness of the country cottage but it seems such a contradiction to the still filled city home.
It almost makes me feel unsettled. Like I am part of two worlds.

I have still have a lot of unanswered questions about creating, selling, moving and just where I am on my life journey. If this makes sense.

Hopefully I will soon have my computer in the country. I am beginning to miss writing and taking images.

I have taken several and forgot to put my camera in my pickup early this morning.

So all is well with One Woman.

She is just on a different journey at this time.

Thanks to all who contacted me and had thoughts of my journey.



One Woman entry early on a Monday morning

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Checking In

Back in the city for a few days. Tidy garden, lunch with my son, baby sitting tomorrow and then early the next morning I have a skin doctor appointment. A friend calls them "barnacle's" whatever they are, a few have appeared. The skin that was almost flawless 10 years ago is now covered with all kinds of spots.

I enjoy checking in on my journal friends and sharing a little this Sunday.

My packing and transporting continues each trip from city to country. A few days ago I packed most of my baking items. Planned on baking once a week - guess what - I forgot my recipes!!

So a few moments ago they were placed in box to go.

I was thrilled yesterday as I saw a hummingbird at my country bedroom window. There are very few flowering plants surrounding my country cottage at this time. I smiled and felt as though a gift had been given me. A quick trip to Lowe's to purchase a feeder. It was hung yesterday and this morning before heading to the city - there were two hummingbirds at the feeder.

Plan on moving my computer sometimes in the next weeks. I am not in a hurry. It will have to take place when my soninlaw can help me. I really do not miss it in the country. Also have not missed television. I did have a landline phone installed. I have been fearful of dropping my cell phone while gardening and not being able to find it. All my time is spent outdoors but I know when the days are shorter and winter arrives I will be back online more and start reading my huge stack of books.

Thanks to so many of you who take the time to write me. You will never know how much pleasure it gives me to read your comments.

Have a great day.

Blessings and Peace sent out from One Woman this Sunday Afternoon

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Peace


She woke up early this morning - aching from head to toe. Must be the buckets of grass seed spread, buckets of rocks picked up out of new yard, straw and tobacco sticks spread on areas where new drive was trying to wash (during the heavy downpour of rain). Yes, she is tired and aching but is happy. Hours spent with clippers in hand grooming the old trees and endless activity during most of day. There are hours or rather minutes spent on the deck or screen porch surveying the nature surrounding her new home. As she glances in the mirror there is the reflection of her with a working tan and she has gained 2 pounds. She repeats herself in her sharing of the wonderful sunsets and the deer that emerge out of the woods at dusk to enjoy the soybeans in the front field.

She is back in the city today - but her heart is in the country. Grooming of flowers, watering and some sealer on terrace and screen porch.

She is very aware that this city cottage has to pay for the dream that is coming true of returning to the country. She patiently waits for the buyer to arrive. She is aware that the arrival of this buyer will not be on her schedule. But then she has learned that her life has never been on her schedule. She has learned to trust as all will unfold as it is intended. Trusting has not been easy for her but now in her later years, hopefully she has learned.

She enjoys the company of a special Mexican couple who have been helping cut down a lot of small trees in the surrounding woods. The large towering trees seem to stretch their arms as she gives them more room. She welcomes the bowl of green beans, squash and tomatoes that her helpers have been sharing with her. A half a dozen packages have been put in the freezer.
Not much sits on the empty shelves - but it is a beginning.

It is so quiet, peaceful and restful (when not doing yard and work in the woods). There are still odds and ends being finished and the thought comes to mind that when there are no trucks pulling down the long drive - will she be lonesome. She does not think so and she better not be wrong!!!

So, a quick peanut butter sandwich and a coke float, pack some more boxes and load truck with the boxes and some more clothes and she will return to the country. One reason for the trip today was to pack her baking items. She has to bake something sweet weekly. Also it seems there are many items that she wants that seem to be in the city. So the transporting continues.

This weekend she will drive back to the city to take her special son to lunch before he leaves for a short trip to Thailand. She will miss his phone calls.

Enough shared on this very warm and busy day.

She might add that she misses her computer. Hopefully it will soon have a new home.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. (was meant to be). Douglas Adams

Friday, July 3, 2009

Journey of 6 Months

She started to dream last fall of returning to her country property. Mornings were spent walking on the property among the old towering trees and the untamed jungle like woods. She dreamed of per suing her new interest in nature photography in this area. She dreamed of sitting and writing in the total stillness.
She bribed her son with lunch at the local soda shoppe if he would drive her to this area. Maybe he could give her some direction as she sought an answer.
He walked some of the property with her and she pointed out a spot that she would like to have some sort of retreat.
She asked him point blank "do you think it is too late for me to build again"? His answer "I think you have already made the decision". Guess he could read my heart.
She followed her heart and not her mind. The mind could give a dozen reasons for not doing this. But the heart "said go forward".
A long, exciting, 6 months. There she stands my new home. Not what I started out dreaming of but something more practical.
She loves it. Always one that could hardly sit still - she stands for hours gazing at the towering trees and fields.
From her bedroom window she views the most magnificent sunsets that she has ever witnessed.
She is at a loss for words to share her thankfulness that she was allowed to create this retreat.
At the moment she is well, at peace and weary.
So many plans go through her mind of the simple garden she wants to create. Then another part of her just wants to sit, do nothing and dream.

She is back in the city cleaning a garden and must water the wilting plants.

She has a smile on her face and wonders at times - has she lost her mind - what has happened that she does not think like she did months ago. It is almost like she has been reborn. Could it be the nonstop activity and mind decisions of months just totally depleted her thought process and energy. She smiles as she recalls reading somewhere "that most creative people are slightly mad" hopefully this is not me. Then if it is - she has such a deep sense of peace - that is really does not matter!!!

Does this even make sense!!!!

Let Me Grow Lovely

Let me grow lovely, growing old - So many fine things do.
Lace, ivory, and gold, and silks need not be new.
There is healing in old trees, old streets a glamour hold.
Why may not I, as well as these.
Grow lovely, growing old.

Karle Baker - The Best Loved Poems of the American People 1939