Thursday, October 31, 2013

Beautiful Colors

Within a matter of days
the colors surrounding this cottage
are spectacular.

At the moment
it is raining, high winds
and hopefully no bad storms throughout the night.
The tall trees are swaying in the wind
and  at times like this
many thoughts surface.


Every window I glance out of
has a pleasing view.


Shorter days
and longer nights have arrived.
Don't forget to turn your clocks back on Saturday night..,.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Deep Hearing - Sound Meditation, Images and Hope

Early morning is a great time for listening.
Sounds start to slip into stillness.
In rural settings, the sounds are likely
to be birds and animals waking up.
In a city, sounds of outside actions begin,
garbage collection, building construction, traffic.
Even in a high rise hotel room, plumbing sounds,
elevator sounds and just steps in the hall.

Sit in a position in which you can relax and be alert,
close your eyes and just wait and listen.

Words in part from

"Don't Just Do Something, Sit There"
~~Sylvia Boorstein~~

When I read these words this early morning
the thought arises that this is something I need to do.

Maybe it will help clear my mind of thoughts
that I do not want to keep circulating.
Sometimes we say too much, not enough and probably better
most of the time to say nothing.
There is so much I have tried to accomplish in this long life
and I have been successful in many ways and in other ways
still not successful.

If it was Spring in the country
I would sit outside and hear the birds, a breeze making the leaves in the trees rustle
 and maybe a distant tractor.
Since it is cold outside
and I am inside
I will hear my clocks ticking,  refrigerator sounds, maybe heat unit coming on this early morning
and my anxious heart beating.....

I remember something I read
"to hope is to put yourself in the vulnerable space
and every single day I need to figure out something
I no longer agree to do
and remember
 to be human is to fail over and over again."

A smile comes with pictures from over the ocean from a special granddaughter.
She calls this street food - oh my

and special scenes

Friday, October 25, 2013

Everyone Is Busy, Words From Retiring Alice Munroe And Incense

 
My first born granddaughter looking at wedding invitations with her mom, who is my daughter and her future mother-in law.
   What would I do without a computer?
Just think - it was not a part of my life until
age 70.  Then a couple of years later
bought my first camera that I could download
images on computer.
Now I know almost daily what is going on in my family's life
and we rarely talk on the telephone....

Years ago many letters were written and it now seems almost
a lost art.  I have a special drawer filled with all kinds
of stationery and cards and still enjoy using.

A cold morning with heavy frost and I wonder why surrounding this cottage
 there are not any beautiful colors on the trees as of yet.
The majority of the trees still have green leaves on them.
The leaves that are falling are not colorful....

Plants brought in from screen porch, a huge rabbit foot fern and begonia that are about
30 years old.  Someone will have to place them
upstairs in the loft area -  something I did in the past but
with a continual balance issue cannot carry them up the many steps.

My middle daughter has always been a daddy's girl.  He loved horses and this is something she has had
a love affair with for many years.
When she was young they grazed in the fields surrounding our home. 
 At times
they have some really bad disagreements then in a short time he has her heart once again.
What would her siblings have done without her medical contacts
in assisting him to relocate for a short stay in a home health care facility.
She is a good daughter, all daughter's and son good
but because she is a RN was able to do so much for him.
My Beth, I am proud of you...

Some words from writer Alice Monroe
in recent New York Times
age 82 retiring.

"I worry less then I did
there is nothing you can do about it
and its also better then being dead.
I feel I have done what I wanted to do and
that makes me feel fairly content."

"We say of somethings that they can't be forgiven,
or that we never will forgive ourselves.
But we do - we do it all the time."

This practice began again on this cold day
love the scent of the Tibetan healing incense

 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Did Not Plan And Special Image Received

Did not plan on writing this early morning
keep having thoughts of turning computer on later in the day
and writing less.
Seems it has just not happened.

"I am amazed at the rainbow of feelings that can overtake
me in the span of a week, or, even a day.
I can swing in the clouds, full of confidence and competence and,
in short order, slide onto the ground, bereft, lost, in my
capacity to grapple with life."

Reminded that life is a continuous process of being born,
innocent awkward and new; of learning and growing and spreading one's wings;
then falling and flailing and rising again."

Words in part from - Ellen Hamilton 
in an entry this morning from
http://www.elderwomenmusings.com/

I always recognize her words
even before I see her name
and always relate to them...

Her words this early morning speak to me in a deep way.

On a positive note
in my mail this early morning
I received
an image of my granddaughter
who is visiting my son
in Thailand.

Needless to say I was pleased....
Thankful
she arrived safely
and
wish I was there :)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Pumpkin White Bean Bisque And The Last Rose

I can remember the first time I was served
Pumpkin soup.

Under the stars with the ocean sounds in the background
in Jamaica many years ago.
It was delicious and when served I inquired "what kind of
soup is this" and was pleasantly surprised when told it was
Pumpkin.  At that particular time in my life I never thought
of pumpkin soup.

New issue of "Cooking Light" arrived recently and is filled
with page after page of wonderful recipes and some new ideas.
I am one that seldom adds new recipes since I like all of my old
and tried experiences in my huge binder.

Pumpkin soup has been made in the cottage kitchen but never
with an addition of white beans and Sage and it sounds healthy...

This is a new one and especially pleasing since I have
my fresh Sage right outside my door and also a can of pumpkin,
white beans and chicken broth waiting on the pantry shelf.

It is so simple.....



White Bean and Pumpkin Bisque

2 tbs butter
1 cup of chopped onion
1 tbs fresh chopped Sage
5 cloves garlic chopped
1/4 tsp ground red pepper
1/4 tsp ground cumin

I used
a can of chicken stock
1 can of white beans - rinsed and drained
1 can of pumpkin puree
1 & 1/2 cups of milk or half and half
dash of salt
2 tbs apple cider vinegar

In a good size pan
melt butter, add onion, sage and garlic
saute 4 minutes.
Stir chicken broth into onion mixture,
add rinsed beans and pumpkin
simmer 4 or 5 minutes
and put into the blender and process until smooth.
Return to pan to simmer 5 or 10 minutes, stir in milk and salt.
Bring to a simmer for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally,
Last, stir in 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar.

I changed slightly
do all recipes.

I simmered a little longer and an addition of a little more chicken broth and half and half.

It is delicious and had a bowl last night and topped with my parsley
and since returning from a long day of errands
I will have a bowl in about an hour
and freeze a carton
or may just finish the rest tomorrow at lunch time
and there will be none left to freeze :)

You can probably look the recipe up online
if you want to be exact and not just a pinch and dab of this and not measuring much.
Guess that is what being a matriarch and a long life of cooking does to you.
Also has a topping of Sage Pesto
that I did not make
but may when I have more time.

While picking Sage I noticed this last Rose
it is a beauty compared to what I saw this summer.
Roses do not do good in my damp woods
and have only one bush left out of 4 originally planted 4 years ago


I will think of it as a gift to me....

Day ending
here in the woods....

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

At The Moment And Sage

Thoughts of my granddaughter Sarah arriving in Thailand
and the warm welcome she will receive from her Uncle Jimmy.

His words to me this morning
"Rest before you are tired"
like this - but a busy week is in progress.

A post read this morning from
a favorite one in Nashville
gave me some ideas for using my abundant
Sage plant.
Usually used for my dressing at Thanksgiving and Christmas
and  had forgotten  how tasty
chicken is
when you pound it very thin, dredge it in flour
and cook in olive oil and butter...

http://nancyvienneau.com/blog/recipe/sage-praise/

Can't wait for her cookbook to be published
and have it sitting on my kitchen counter...

Monday, October 21, 2013

Simple Sharing And Trying To Still The Voices In My Mind

Oh yes
it is so simple
but on damp and cold nights
feels so luxurious.

My hot water bottle
put at the foot of my bed
about an hour before going to bed
is wonderful.

I started doing this when I lived at the old farm house
and started using this warmer
last week.

While eating evening meal I fill the bottle
with hot tap water
until water in kettle is boiling hot.
Then pour out the tap water (ruined a hot water bottle years ago by first using boiling water)
this warms the inside of the bottle
and then fill with the boiling water.
Wrap in soft material and put at foot of bed
in an hour when I go to bed
the warmth is so nice and comforting.

I know many who use something electric
and I find that drying.  
The hot water bottle is not drying to my skin
and still warm in the morning when it is emptied
to dry.

Someone shared that on their trips to England
at fine Inns they placed a hot water bottle
at the foot of the bed....

The one I bought 3 years ago is a beautiful shade of blue
instead of red like I have had in the past.
Simple post
but over the last 14 hours
a lot has been past on.
One passed out and head concussion.
My children very concerned as it is their father.
Another, in the last stage of cancer
and then one who has been like a sister
in the past shared her husband recently
had a head injury.

This morning
the sun is shining
birds at the feeders
life goes on
at a slower pace
and I wish
the damp earth surrounding my cottage
would dry
and I could get on my tractor....
maybe next Spring....

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Instant Antidepressant

Received this early morning
and so true
for me
when I think of Miss Callie
Love is always there
and no need to ask.....
The last image
is for Charlotte.

Carol, thank you
for being you....

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Afternoon With Mary Oliver

A rainy beginning and then sun and very cool.
Shut all the outdoor vents.
First frost expected in the morning.
Spent some time going through my Mary Oliver books.
They number 12 and each one is special.
They almost look ragged with all the little papers
that mark some of  my favorite poems.


"Another morning and I wake with thirst
for the goodness I do not have.  I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has
given us such beautiful lessons, Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over the books past the
hour and the bell; grant me, in your mercy,
a little more time.  Love for the earth
and love for you are having such a long conversation
in my heart.
Who knows what will finally happen, or where I will
be sent, yet already I have given a great many
things away, expecting to be told to pack nothing,
except the prayers, which, with this thirst,
I am slowly learning"

Thirst ~~~ Mary Oliver~~~

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Busy Day

Early morning appointment with my dentist for crown that fell off.
Stopped at a local Krystal, not upscale and you may not have one in your area.
About twice a year I do this.  Two very small cheese burgers, small fry and small drink
onto car and ate driving down the road - not a good habit but wanted to arrive home
as soon as possible.  This site and one in Nashville are the only two I would order from
as they are unusually good with the steamed buns and hot hamburgers right off the grill.
My children remember Krystal's well.  When they were small this was a quick lunch
to pick up at the drive in window.   They liked them during those years and now they
laugh about this and most with their healthy diets now say Ugh.

Headed down highway to local small town to return something ordered.
Payment due for local newspaper - not much in it but the only way to know if there is
something special going on or a death of someone I have known for years.
Stopped at UPS for return and made a quick stop at a small new store on our city square.

This new shop for a Healthy lifestyle offering chair massages (but not today)  scented oils, special vitamin's
and different kinds of flavored Kale chips.  Thought of purchasing but not for $8 for such
a tiny bag.   There will be someone who comes once a week from an Amish community
who offers special Iridology analysis.   This is based on the markings in the irises of the eyes.
I know a young woman who believes strongly in this and has been on a special diet of herbs
they recommended which has healed her of cancer.

In the past I had thoughts of going through this procedure and being analyzed, but not at this time.  I believe I am on the right
track with what I am doing with supplements, research, exercise, diet,  lifestyle and meditation.
Prednisone now down to 2 1/2 mg daily from 60 and going slow as I go off and being realistic
I may have to go on it again in the future.

This has not been a good year health wise for me.   Inflammation has been horrible and then the fall 6 weeks ago.    So thankful at the moment I have some balance issues but that is all and it is
getting better.   Looking forward to a good new year that is beginning. 

Wonderful picture received from  my granddaughter in Paris and day will soon be here when
another granddaughter arrives in Thailand and will be able to visit my son.   A daughter in Kentucky at this time for a
special assignment and a very cool day and it is beginning to feel like Fall.
My middle daughter Beth, is having a difficult time getting over something that keeps her
coughing and congested.  It may just be the time of year and I know when out and about
if I hear someone coughing I run the other way....

This happened over night in my woods
and oh my
can you imagine Versailles
enough shared :)

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

He Smiled

He smiled and  complimented me
I smiled
made no reply...
Not going there
been there
done that
Was nice for a moment....

"White hairs are not weeds
but signs of wisdom taking root
old stems talking to younger ones
inhabiting the beauty of change"

http://mermaidhealing.blogspot.com//

Thankful for Kaveri
who
always has words that speak to my heart...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

It Arrived

I have learned
Sometimes mail from far over the ocean
arrives on time, arrives late or not at all.

My son has apologized that his card never arrived
and he mailed 2 weeks before my birthday.
Today, a week after this date
it arrived.

His special words
are needed.

"Truth comes into being when your mind and heart are purged
of all sense of striving and are no longer trying to become somebody:
it is there when the mind is very quiet, listening timelessly to everything
that it is happening....
~~Krishnamurti~~

"To be calm, peaceful, and mindful
think less.
Increase the space between thought and thought."


Now onto my morning
old truck has been delivered for brakes to be repaired
DVD player is ready to be used
and


Pumpkin bread is cooling
an addition of whole cranberries, raisins, walnuts
along with a dash of black walnut flavoring.
So good....
Pimento cheese made in the little processor
a dash of Tabasco and walnuts were mixed in.
On my special bread will top it with chives, basil
and parsley still filling the outdoor pots until frost arrives.

Going to dig up some of the plants and put in pots to
bring inside and also will put some of every herb in
a vase on the table.  Will see if this last through
the holidays.

A wonderful rest of the day is
wished for all that visit the country cottage.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Through The Eyes Of The Camera

As I downloaded images taken minutes ago
it seems much looks the same.
Yet as I walk and look around
it does not appear this way to me.
Need to remember
the
camera does not lie :)

two loads of creek gravel where road was washing
looks pretty good and will pack down with rains coming in a few days.
began to cut back flowers, trimmed by walk and filled 2 wheel barrows full
working slowly as I begin trying to have my normal lifestyle
trees still very green
and as I look into the woods I realize that I did not walk in them this year,
so very wet and could not ride tractor and most of year not up to it.  
maybe next year :)   I know the paths I made over the last 4 years are filled with limbs :(
and I might add
if I cannot walk in the woods
I will look into them from afar :)
This morning made something different
to my Kefir and addition of yogurt, strawberries, banana,  flax seeds and spinach (diet lacking greens)
and some protein powder - there body - regain your energy.

Last night something I have not made for years
simmered round steak which had been dredged in flour
for hours on low heat, then a addition of mushrooms and made gravy.
Fork tender and remembered making this when children were growing up.
It was good with potatoes and peas.   A lot on this plate and could only eat half of it....

Will add once again
all this information goes to children and grandchildren
but makes me smile that some enjoy reading
of her days
in this lifetime.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

At This Moment

She walks in her garden
cane in hand
and takes her foot
to push landscaping boards
to make flower garden a little smaller.
The same thing is done for the small vegetable garden
and next Spring it will be smaller.
It is beyond her imagination to think of a tomato that is  not plucked from her vine,
cucumber picked along with lettuce and squash and it is only for one.

All that is loved with a passion is surveyed
and words this morning made the comment
"when you were planting I wonder how you would take care of it all."
None are aware of her deep pleasure in what she does
and that it was a dream come true
to return to her woods.

With 6 weeks of not taking care of everything her self
even though a little help she told what to do and
that now seems to have disappeared
it is evident it is not up to her standard
as she looks at her surroundings with tears in her eyes.

Seems at this time difficult to find another who would help her dig in the dirt,
maybe stopping for a glass or cup of tea, not talking and just enjoying nature
for a few hours.

Yesterday gravel arrived for road and one delivering looked around and said
"your surroundings are beautiful" also one who came to give a bid for something
to cover old truck - made the same remark....
and old truck you will just have to continue the same like your mistress as not adding cover.

Looked online at retirement options in the big city
and this is not her.    She prayed and all fell in place to return to the land she loved.
Now is the time to accept being surrounded by untamed nature
and as special son has said many times
"lower your standards, rest more and just accept."
It is not easy for this one
and ashamed to admit this truth.
So time will tell what is to be
as all falls in place naturally.....

Family weary of hearing these remarks
but in years to come
they may remember the words
or choose not to remember
and maybe think she has lost it.

At the moment
one in Paris and it sounds Divine

One on a short trip to the mountains with two little ones and finally settled in a nice
dwelling after discovering first choice was covered with mold :(
Another sharing about plans when his niece visits soon and a trip to a Thai beach.
Another one's mind is filled with next years wedding plans
and another is probably out filling her cupboards for next weeks work from home.

This one receives their notes,
smiles, sometimes shakes her head
as their lives and desires are so different
from the matriarch in this family.

Beautiful days,
leaves will soon begin to color,
Callie hardly takes her eyes of this one
and even with  all that has happened lately
she feels she has been showered with blessings.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

It Represents Old Comfort

When I moved to the old farm house about 35 years ago
seems I could not stay warm during the long Winter months.

Every room had a big old drafty fireplace and even though I did
much to bring this home  up to date it still seemed drafty to me.

In the addition of a great room with a wood burning stove
seemed this room was the warmest and I still miss that wood fire,

For the first time I bought a goose down comforter.
Oh my it was wonderful and still put it on my bed every Fall.

For many years would just air on the clothesline and once sent out commercially
which I did not like to do.  Once was able to fit in my washing machine and hoped
I would not harm the machine or the comforter.   Last month when my Jamie made a visit I gave it to her to take home and
wash in her big big machine.   It was returned to me yesterday and so wonderfully
clean and when I put it on my bed early this morning realized it is over 30 years old and
still looks like new.

Looks wonderful and on my bed is also a quilt my mother made about 30 or 40 years ago.
Also a wonderful wool Afghan that was purchased from Neiman Marcus in another lifestyle
that is about 40 years old and it was made in Scotland.


So I took an image to share with children and grandchildren
and it represents old comfort to me and also makes the statement that
if it is quality and taken care of it last for many years.

So when it is handed down
hopefully that child or grandchild will care for it in the same way...

Seems like much that is purchased today
is used a while and then discarded.
But you never do this with quality items...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

A Lot Of Emotions

Seems to be so much happening over the last 24 hours.
Appointment with doctor yesterday
and finally found out what is happening to my left leg
with the pain so severe at time and radiates from injury
from fall at ankle to knee.
Strange the orthopedics doctor said ex rays were taken of
everything but the left leg.   So ex rays were taken and this is good
but never heard of it.  Said the shaft on my leg was severely injured.
Explained that is like the bark on a tree :)
It will heal in time and nothing I can do about it.
Did receive a cortisone shot which helped greatly for knee and the whole leg.
Reminded again how lucky nothing was broken during this fall.
Probably because I have always had a good diet, exercised and weight never has fluctuated.
Said I have no padding on this petite frame of now 109 lbs but have strong bones.
So not headed for any knee replacements :)
Left on cloud nine as I am one that if I know what is going on then I can accept.
Also was told to take Osteo-Bi-Flex and this might help.
Ordered from Amazon yesterday and so surprised at the great comments helping
joints and even arthritis.

Today special company arrived - my daughter and two little granddaughters and guess
I will always call them that even though they are growing so fast.

Lunch at a special local old drugstore and was told serving sandwiches and salads will soon end -
sad as when anyone comes to visit we always go there as it is excellent.   They will be selling
ice cream, sundaes and milk shakes.   Then on to a local farmer's pumpkin patch and took an image of an unusual old tree.
Deleted many pictures
taken in this cottage as I did not realize how swollen I was around the eyes and cheek
from fall.
Pictures do not lie :)
I was scolded for not liking them.....
but still want the best pictures
even on
my
79th birthday.

Have not ever been able to relate to my chronological age
as it seems that through my lifetime
I was always thought of as younger
and seems by mind and body lately have been  on a different path
but think they  are now catching up.

So thankful I can still see beauty and have a good mind....(words I borrowed)
Did not break any bones with this recent fall - but a warning to slow down.
Love my cottage, camera, computer, gardening, online friends and my special children and grandchildren

From one that was born in her grandmother's home,
weighed in less then 5 lbs.   Sickly beginning for her
and her 18 year old mother.

Told so many times over the years
that I was so different from the rest of family
with my interests and always going forward.
Was told a number of times  if I had not been born at home
she would not think I was her child.
Now I smile at this remark....

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

You Never Know

You never know when you head down the gravel road
on a beautiful sun shining morning to town
what surprise you might find.

An early morning trip to market to restock much.
Wanted to get this out of the way
because this afternoon appointment with orthopedic
doctor to see if anything other then healing is going on with my left leg and knee.

As I started home
made a stop at local Good Will.
All of my Halloween items have been
past on to my youngest daughter and I thought
maybe I will see a pumpkin or scarecrow to put
in garden for the visit tomorrow.

Found nothing for Halloween
but spotted a sweater which is a color I like.
Lavender size small and I looked at the tag
J.Crew and cashmere for $5
Oh my they usually run close to $200.

So purchased quickly
and drove back to the country.

A beautiful day
and hopefully
soon I can begin digging in the dirt.

So much to share in the future
with a wonderful wedding that is being planned
for my first granddaughter, Jessica - in Connecticut.

Will get me out of my old garden clothes
and into something more upscale.
but wish I could wear them :)

Beautiful clothes a part of my past
and really have no desire for them
at this time
but it seems for this occasion
Grandma
the matriarch of this family
will have to dress well....

Also, my next granddaughter, Sarah
is leaving for Thailand in days
and will get to visit my son
her uncle.

First time any family has made a visit
to this far away land.

Exciting....

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sunday Ending

The end of a long, rainy, alone day.
Much cooler in the morning.

Looked outside and noticed the beautiful sunset
Basil is blooming
and have never seen these blooms before
Soybean field
is beginning to turn

Beginning of shadows on the wall,
a new one on the loft wall.
Sharing
a part of my world...

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Something New In The Woods

Not a television person
never have been
simplicity has been my goal

walks in the woods
camera in hand
watching sunrise and
sunset
always a hoe for garden
near by

but at the moment with healing
as knee is going to take longer
since they did not diagnose correctly.

no broken bones they said
but a lot can go on with knees
when they are not broken.....

 I think
this is going to be enjoyed
on those long winter days and nights
and making me sit still

yesterday it was loaded in my car
and this morning
electrician hooked up my 39 inch television
and DVD player in 30 minutes

one said get something smaller
another said this is what you need
and I agree with this size....

Friday, October 4, 2013

Going Forward

Yes, going forward
with one foot in front of the other
and cane in hand.
Hopefully I can find a television for downstairs.
Have not wanted one
but good son suggests that with long winter nights
I might enjoy a special or DVD.

How can I not smile when I see this image that is
sent to me this early morning.
Cupcakes for my young granddaughter's Spanish class
made by my youngest daughter.
Going through images
a memory
and my woods still look like this
Everyone
have a wonderful weekend....

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Messenger

My work is loving the world,
here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird...

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect?  Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,
which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished,
which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug up clam,
telling them also, over and over, how it is
that we live forever......


Mary Oliver ---- Thirst

Oh, her words always speak to my heart
Especially this early morning.

All is well
God is Good.....

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Thank You

Thank you
to the many who write and say they miss me.

A difficult 3 weeks
a lot of pain physically.
What has bothered me the most is emotional pain.
Family in touch by email, phone calls and all lead busy lives.
So aware I lead an isolated life and everything done in the past
in the outside world was burned out on.

So at this moment pain is almost gone, balance off some.
Having difficulty accepting that all this busy woman
has been doing for years has to slow down.
Thought I was doing a good job
but guess not.

Busyness has been a way of life for me over my lifetime and it has to stop.
Four years ago I moved to my dream of my peaceful surroundings,
taking care of a smaller home,
gardening, camera in hand and my computer.

So much has been planted and loved every minute of it.
At the moment everywhere I look weeds are over taking and
can no longer walk the paths in my woods
Trying to look with different eyes and at the moment difficult,
everything taking 3 times as long to do just for taking care of myself
and inside of this small cottage.

Trying to think clear and guess I will have to accept an even simpler lifestyle.
It probably should have started earlier then these late 70  years but really thought
I had done good.

Everyone that has ever made a visit has always commented about me doing much
of what I do to maintain my surroundings.  Is almost impossible to find outside help.

Much of this I have shared before and so sorry for this
but so many who comment are far away friends and I do not need to just disappear.

So I continued heal my body, mind, emotions and what I desire most
is not available to me.

Trying to think clearly of my days left on this planet and not doing to good at the moment.

You are all so good, kind with your special comments
 and I thank you.

On the many paths I have traveled through different lifestyles
I have always bounced back.
May again
but need to look at everything with different eyes and guess everything
seems overwhelming at the moment
and I do not like that word
but honesty has always been a part of my sharing.